Confront It Head On…

One of the hardest issues for Pastors to deal with in their church is that of Domestic Abuse.  Now many think of Domestic Abuse/Domestic Violence as physical beatings.  It’s not always that.  Abuse takes on many forms – sexual abuse, mental/emotional abuse, financial abuse.  It’s probably one of the best hidden secrets that dwells in our congregations because the person being abused is too afraid to say anything for fear that they won’t be believed.

A popular fascade in our churches is that Christian couples always look “so happy.”  They look like the ideal couple.  They’re on the worship team, they’re deacons or ushers or teach Sunday School.  They smile all the time.  They dress the part.  They look the part.  And inside their homes, their marriage is “falling apart.”

Women are afraid to go to leadership with their stories of abuse.  Their husband is respected and well liked.  No one will believe that they’re going through any type of difficulty.  Those who aren’t enduring physical abuse have no outward scars or bruises to show to prove that it’s happening.  All they carry is buried deep inside. Harsh words, cruel remarks, threats, and the inward humiliation of being sexually abused by the man who is supposed to love, honor and cherish them – the vows that he took before God and all their friends and family.

I fear that many don’t understand what it’s like to be emotionally or mentally or sexually abused.  The person on the receiving end of that abuse if they’ve been in church for any length of time, has learned how to put on a good face.  They continue to be involved in church, they praise and worship during the service while screaming out inside for help.  They relive during the sermon the memories of the abuse that’s taken place and deal with how dirty they feel because of it.  Yet no one – NOT ONE PERSON suspects anything.

Why have we made it so hard for these victims to come to leaders for help? Shouldn’t the church be a place of refuge for them?  A sanctuary away from the pain?

Why is it most leaders will tell the woman that it must be her fault that her husband is treating her that way?  That she must not be giving him what is biblically his right to have so she needs to do something about it?

In my case it was both sexual and emotional/mental abuse.  My first husband, an upstanding, well respected man who was extremely charming and good lucking and who was very spiritual in almost every aspect of his life except on – his addiction to pornography.  I was devastated when I learned of it and scared that I would lose him if I didn’t become exciting like those images he saw.  I gave into his bringing “things” into our sex life.  I gave in to ideas of what he wanted to make things exciting and even accepted the warped excuse that what went goes on between a husband and wife is fine and that the Bible says the marriage bed is undefiled.  Well that scripture doesn’t mean you can be married and do whatever you want to do.  What that means is that the marriage bed should be kept between the husband and wife and no outside thing should violate it be it pornography or bringing in another person or doing things that the other partner isn’t comfortable with or actions that humiliate them to bring the other sexual gratification.

Being told that you shouldn’t sit on a certain couch cushion all the time or that you let the water run too much when you’re brushing your teeth, or being body shamed, or being criticized for your cooking or being told if you ever put on weight that your husband won’t stay with you is just a small portion of the mental/emotional abuse I endured.  I never felt good enough, pretty enough or worthy enough to be with my husband and no matter how many times I told him, he just laughed it off or dismissed me.  I never felt secure or cherished or loved.  You can feel when someone loves you – I can’t say I felt that way often at all with him.  We were so young when we got married and that was probably our first mistake.  I was a Pastor’s daughter and he was a deacon’s son and ALL eyes were on us all the time.  There’s no way I’d ever open my mouth about things being wrong – it would cause too many waves.

I wanted to run to the church and ask for help but knew that if I did, our positions would be take away from us.  My then husband would go ballistic if anyone knew our “business.”  I couldn’t go to Christian friends either and going to family was totally out.  I was stuck.  I had no where to turn.

I cannot stress to Pastors and leaders the importance of allowing yourselves to be approachable.  Stop beating around the bush when it comes to the subject of abuse in your church.  Don’t assume that the “Ken and Barbie church couple” doesn’t have hidden secrets because they probably do.  If they come to you, listen with open hearts and minds TO BOTH SIDES and if it’s too much for you to handle please, refer them to professional counselors that are experienced in that area.

Offer marriage counseling once they’ve confronted the problem.  As much as we’d like to believe that God heals anything and everything (and He does, I believe that) I am also smart enough to know from experience that sometimes the hurts and damage reach the point of no return and the marriage is over.  In my case, the only thing that kept the marriage together was a diagnosis of leukemia a few weeks after I told my husband I was through with our marriage and made him finally understand the damage that had been done to me.  I could have very easily turned my back on him and walked away and left him to deal with his illness alone but I chose to stay because I wanted to honor my vows and deep down, in spite of all the hurt and pain, I still loved him.  I was there when he took his last breath.  I’m not sorry I stayed but now I’m left to deal with the after shocks of people not understanding why, 19 months following his death, I’m remarried to a wonderful man and have started my life over.

The “secret” of our failed marriage came out to everyone after I found myself having to defend my reasons for starting over shortly after my first husband’s death.  His addiction has caused a rift between me and my adult children, some family members and some friends who just can’t “get it” in their heads that there was something very seriously wrong.

It hurts me and angers me because I DID go to family members and in round about ways try to call for help but no one caught on.  No one even asked me if everything was ok.  What I wouldn’t have given for someone to reach out and say they wanted to help.  I now find myself dealing with forgiving him and forgiving myself for doing the things I thought would please him to save our marriage.

Pastors and leaders – I’m begging you to please make the church a place of refuge for those dealing with abuse.  “Man up” and confront the addictions, the bad behavior and the sin.  Restore and rebuild those involved.

Thank you – if one person is restored because of my plea to you, then this blog entry was worth it.

 

 

Shhh! The House Needs Cleaning!

People are coming over and the house needs to be cleaned. And you don’t feel like cleaning it and they’ll arrive any moment. You decide to take some “short cuts.” You toss the dirty laundry into the bedroom closet and close the door. The pile of clutter on the kitchen counter you throw into a cupboard – you know you’ll get to it eventually. The kids toys you toss into the storage ottoman and sit on it to make sure it closes all the way. Oh crap, there’s that stain on the living room carpet. Quick! Get the footstool! You breathe a sigh of relief as you cover it up. UGH! The dining room table needs cleaning and they’re pulling into the driveway. WHY are they early? You grab a tablecloth and throw it over the sticky syrup and the crumbs on the table and you run over to the front door and let your visitors in with a smile on your face and warm welcome like you’ve been waiting for them all day to get there. It’s not clean but at least the “mess” is covered up – for now.

This is how it seems to be in churches these days. “The HOUSE” needs cleanin’ but we are just prettying it up because if we start cleaning the HOUSE, we’re going to find out that the mess is worse than we thought.

What am I referring to? To be blunt, sexual sin that’s still not being confronted even after all these years.

We’re quick to discuss tithing, missions, divorce, substance abuse, rebellious children, wives submitting to husbands, homosexuality and same sex marriage. We even carefully slip in our political views from the pulpit during sermons but the one thing that’s devastating families and marriages, we shy away from. Oh we’ve “touched” on the subject of pornography but we are careful not to get too heavily into it. After all, the people in our church would never indulge in such a thing. Our elders, leaders, and board members are above reproach and of course, our Pastor would NEVER look at pornography.

Well wake up people because those things I just mentioned above are the “sticky syrup” and “crumbs” under the tablecloth, the stain under the ottoman and the clutter that’s hidden in the closet. We have a thousand different ways to make it look good but it needs to be taken care of.

They say you can put a pot of flowers on something and it automatically dresses it up. Apparently that includes a pile of cow dung too because in God’s eyes, the unconfronted sin in the church stinks and it stinks bad.

Pornography isn’t just a “secular” issue anymore. Boys are being exposed to it via the internet and other forms as young as age 8. Kids are having sex in sixth and seventh grade. Teenagers are fully aware of what oral sex and other sexual terms are because they’re openly discussed all the time among their peers. Our 20-somethings and those in their early 30’s say that porn is acceptable because “it’s a common thing now. Everyone does it.”

It should NEVER be considered an acceptable thing or something common if you call yourself a child of God and claim to be living a holy life.

A well known Christian magazine did some research and stated that 65 percent of men and 35 percent of women in the church regularly view or are addicted to pornography. These are the people you sit next to, those who teach Sunday School, who lead your men’s group, who play on the church softball team, who usher, who preach, who are leaders in the church. They’re the members of your worship team. The seemingly perfect “Ken and Barbie” of the church. They’re even the ones who are the largest givers/tithers that the church budget depends on.

Isn’t it funny in recent news that those who profess to be Christian and who have made their “claim to fame” as Christians are being exposed for their extra marital affairs and addictions to pornography or sex? Have you ever stopped to think WHY this might be?

I strongly believe it’s because the church won’t confront this issue from the pulpit so God is allowing it to come up in the media among those who are in the public eye. I can’t speak for God but I would imagine that He might be thinking, “Well since you won’t take care of it in house, I guess we’ll allow it to come out in a bigger way.” The “man of the house” isn’t doing his job. And it’s coming out. And it’s bringing shame and disgrace on the church and to the name of God. All because we’re too afraid to “clean house” and deal with the fall out that comes from cleaning the house.

Fallout of our largest tithers leaving. Fallout from the embarrassment that your Associate Pastor or your Pastor finally comes clean and confesses he has been frequenting sex clubs out of town and chatting with women online. Fallout that your most respected leader was seen leaving a brothel at midnight. Fallout that your Ken and Barbie worship team members who look like the perfect couple are splitting up because she discovered numerous pictures from porn sites on their home computer. It’s a shake up in the church. Marriages that have been crumbling in silence will finally be shouting that they need help. Women devastated from feeling insignificant because their husbands are looking at centerfold women that they can’t keep up with. The young husband who feels he’s not experienced enough in bed for his wife who talked him into bringing pornography into their bedroom to spice things up will come forward and ask for help.

The HOUSE will look like a field wiped out by a forest fire. The land with dry, burned out dead tree stumps and stalks will slowly start to reboot itself as the fresh rain of healing hits it. The soil that’s dry from the fire that sucked up all the moisture will begin to rejuvenate and “a new thing” will grow in place of that devastating dead thing. Some of the plants won’t grow back. The debris might be carried off and thrown away. But within a few weeks fresh green grass begins to grow again and new trees sprout up where the dead, burned out ones once stood tall. Within a few months, maybe even a year, the landscape may not look the same but in it’s place will be something stronger and more beautiful than before.

But first, The HOUSE needs to be cleaned……

(Please feel free to read my other blogs “The New Reinvented Me” “The Mom Adventure”)

The Church’s “Bad RAP”…. are YOU Guilty of this?

You know those times when you’ve heard statements regarding the SAME TOPIC so many times in a short amount of time that you finally get to a point where you HAVE to speak up? Well this is one of those blogs…..

I’ve been in church all my life – I’m one of those “born in the pew” kind of preacher’s kids who, in spite of all they’ve seen and been through in churches, has still remained active in church and has been in paid ministry. In fact I still have a deep love for ministry thus the reason for my passion on various topics that I blog about.

What I’ve heard OVER AND OVER AGAIN recently is WHY people, not just those who are unchurched but those who were brought up in church or those who have attended church for a long time, have stopped attending corporate worship or who keep themselves on the periphery of “church.” The reasons I’ve heard have saddened me to the point of holding back tears and sometimes of wanting to scream. I cannot for the life of me figure out WHY we’ve turned church into such a bad place that people don’t want to be there?

There’s been a lot of personal reasons for me lately to distance myself from corporate worship and I’m going to share just a few of those with you…..

Following my late husband’s death I decided shortly thereafter to move on with my life. My choice of whom I moved on with did not meet other peoples approval because of reasons surrounding how we met etc. Unfortunately those who quickly passed judgment DID NOT seek out both sides of the story and ASSUMED (you know what they say about assuming….) the worst and never bothered to seek out the complete details. This resulted in various rumors, half truths, gossip in the form of an “intervention” at someone’s home (WITHOUT me present), and lots of ugly names being pinned on me. There were extenuating circumstances which led me to move on so quickly that many do not know about and frankly it’s none of their business but God knows and those that care about me and love me have been kind enough to come to me and ask me what was going on and now understand my reasons for doing so. The treatment I received from this “concerned group” at my home church has resulted in hurt that is deep and that has caused me to even have an anxiety attack about attending church on Easter which I worked through the first 20 minutes I was at another church because I will not step foot in my home church that I love and miss so much because those people are there and I won’t put myself through that.

Others that I’ve talked to seem to have the same themes – “we quit going because we can’t stand the gossip and back stabbing” “ I got sick of people being out of touch with the realities of life and hyper spiritualizing everything….” “The church is so full of politics it’s forgotten what the Church is really supposed to be doing” “The Pastor is so concerned with attracting younger people he’s forgotten about those of us who have been faithful and supported the church all these years….” And the list goes on and on but it’s not that I’ve heard these statements just once or twice, it’s repeatedly.

For me another reason I stopped going to church was that a church I was affiliated with for teaching wanted me to leave when I became involved with my fiancé – and get this – the MAIN reason was because the Pastor was concerned about what ANOTHER church would think about me teaching there. Let’s not consider the part of scripture that talks about taking care of widows and orphans, OR being concerned with someone’s soul – NO, his reason was how HE was going to LOOK in front of this other ethnic church in the area. Forget the fact that I NEEDED that job to support myself as a widow OR that I was NOT A CONTRACTED employee but an outside vendor at the time. Disappointed and hurt would be just a few words I would use regarding this Pastor that I respected for many years.

I could go on and on about the people who have been at the center of the hurt I’ve experienced lately. How they’ve encouraged discord and strife between me and my children instead of healing and reconciliation. Or how they in their own lives didn’t do the right thing while they were in ACTIVE ministry when it came to their personal lives (including fornication) or while they were attending church but kept it hidden. Funny how so many have dog poop in their own backyard’s that they can’t walk two steps without getting their shoes dirty but they’re quick to point out the ONE pile of poop you have in yours and make it into a mountain. They want you to exercise grace towards them but the grace YOU receive will be conditional from them.

What grieves me the MOST is when I think about what the church’s original job was in scripture, is that we have done nothing but give GOD a bad name. People automatically, churched or unchurched, associate Christians or “Christ followers” with words like “hypocrite” “Fake” “two faced” “Judgemental” or “self righteous” “money hungry” “users” and “social club.”   WOW – is THIS what we really want people to think of a loving, compassionate, merciful God? One who sent His Son for them and for us?

Through the years I’ve learned A LOT about God and what He is not – and unfortunately I can say that He is NOT what we see portrayed by some (notice I said SOME not ALL) Pastors and church people. What is more upsetting though is that those “church people” are never confronted about their behavior and allowed to continue what they’re doing without ever being told of the destruction they’ve left in the path they’ve walked.

Why is that? Well after being on staff at large and small ministries, I’ve learned that it can range from reasons that they are the “largest givers”, “have connections in the community” “they’ve been in the church the longest and are founding members” “they’re influential” “they’re very well liked” or they just plain out scare the tar out of the Pastor. So the behavior is allowed to continue and the damage keeps going. Another reason is that some Pastors just do NOT like confrontation and will avoid it at all costs.

I hate to sound like one of those “in the old days” types but I can tell you that my grandfather who was a pastor had no problems confronting issues and attitudes in the church “back in the day.” That’s not how it is now – it’s too messy or too draining to do that so the reign of terror continues.

Does this blog sound like I’m disgusted with church? Yes it does. Am I disgusted and upset with God – ABSOLUTELY NOT. If anything, what I’ve seen the last few years regarding the behaviors of those in church and those in leadership grieves me to no end and makes me want to be the opposite kind of leader they are and the opposite kind of Christian that the world sees from church people. It makes me more aware of what I want to be as far as the characteristics of God. I may have flaws and my life is NOT perfect by any means right now but I can tell you I am striving more and more each day to have God help me be the woman He’s called me to be, to allow me to show His love and compassion, to be a light and to help me walk as right as possible while I’m working my way back to Him.

My hope is that this blog strikes a chord in leaders and Pastors and that they will become bolder to find out both sides of a story before taking a side, that they will call their members on the carpet for these actions and attitudes and that they in their own lives will be careful how they represent Christ to others in the church and outside of the church.  That they will “keep it real” and that they will work towards changing the misconceptions that are out there about church and what the job of the church really is so that we can represent Christ for the loving, compassionate, merciful, joy-filled, HEALING God that He is.

Can the Cliches Will Ya?

If there’s one thing I’m growing to despise more and more it’s “Christian Cliches”.   You know, those quaint little sayings that most of the time AREN’T scripture but so overused you want to puke every time you hear them?

Let’s talk about a few of them shall we?

You ask someone “how are you?”  and they reply, “Why sister I’m blessed and highly favored”  Ok, well that’s nice but really, “HOW ARE YOU?”   I mean come on, a simple “I’m doing good” or “honestly my life sucks right now” is more of what I’d really like to hear.   Especially when I know your husband just left you, your son is in jail or you just lost your job.  Please be real with me ok? If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t have asked.

“God doesn’t give you more than you can handle…”  If there’s one saying that I’ve heard over and over again in the last two years while dealing with my husband’s leukemia and his passing away, it’s THAT one.  I wanted to look at the people when they said that to me and say, “REALLY? well hmmm let’s see….” and then start naming off the challenges that I’ve faced and say, “Yep I’d say He DID give me too much this time.”  and then watch their faces. I mean let’s think about that – sometimes God DOES give you too much handle BUT it’s because He’s teaching YOU to let HIM handle it and NOT you.  I’ll stop my comments right there on that one.

The other day my daughter and I were at a holiday luncheon and the one woman at our table was the “O Praise God ” lady.  EVERY OTHER PHRASE was “O Praise God.”  I mean you could have said to her, “I just sliced my finger off with this butter knife” and she would have said it. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe in giving thanks to God in ALL circumstances but sometimes people just over use a phrase kind of like another non religious one I can’t stand which is “ANYWHO.”

Then there’s the one that irritates me, “Well I guess all you can do now is pray.”  Um hello? Prayer should NEVER be a LAST resort it should be our first plan of action.

Oh and this one is used a ton down South, “Bless your heart.”  Honestly it’s a polite way of someone saying , “You poor dumb dumb” or “What on earth were you thinking?” without directly coming out and saying it.

And then there’s “I have to pray about it….”  Nope what you’re REALLY saying is, “I’m stalling for time because I need to find a good excuse to not do something.”   Just say, “Yes I can” or “No I can’t” and that’s it.

OH and how many times have we seen a need on facebook or twitter and responded “Praying” and then after we typed the word we scrolled on down to the next post and never stopped to actually PRAY for the need? Come on fess up – we’ve all done it.  Now what I do is the minute I read the request I stop and say, “God help so and so” or “God heal so and so” or “God provide what they need.”  this way I KNOW that I REALLY DID pray for that person.

So the next time you’re tempted to use one of these phrases, stop and think about it before you do.  Will it make you sound fake? Is it inappropriate timing to say it? Am I really going to do it?

Remember that the most effective form of evangelism is BEING REAL. People don’t want your plastic smiles or clichés.  They want something REAL so give it to them instead.

Oh and by the way, “have a blessed day….”  🙂  🙂 🙂

I Want to Worship Like Andrew Did….

My husband and I have some pretty in depth conversations in the car.  After many years of leading worship, we’ve seen LOTS of different scenarios in churches of many denominations.  It’s really funny what people “THINK”  worship is.  Some people think worship is the preliminary warm up to the sermon.  Some think it’s a time to listen to some nice music.  Some like to be entertained by it.  Some can’t wait for worship to start so that they can sing, clap, dance.  Some use it as a time to show off their newest dance moves to attract attention to themselves and their “flex-ability”.  Some can’t stand it and can’t wait for it to be over.

For true worshippers it’s something that they live every day.  It IS a part of their lifestyle.  They express themselves from the heart singing with every fiber of their being because they can’t find enough ways to tell God just how awesome He is.  It may be by playing an instrument, or leading worship or being on the worship team as a singer or being part of the media team or the ushers or greeters or the dance team or whatever part of worship you’re involved in.  For those who truly love to worship it is NOT a ritual or a segment of the service.  It’s a celebration.

During our conversation in the car while driving, we started talking about how people act during worship services.  Some participate wholeheartedly.  Some stare at the ground and count the tiles on the floor.  Some stand there with their arms crossed looking at you as if to say, “Could you PLEASE NOT sing that song twice through because I’d really like to get out of here and get on with my day.”  I always chuckle  at those faces.  Those are the ones I try to make eye contact with while I’m leading worship and smile at.  It totally rocks them out of their trance some times. 🙂  (yes I really DID just say that.)

We recalled how a young boy at our old church in Western New York used to worship.  Andrew was a sweet young boy.  He was born with learning disabilities and was autistic, didn’t speak much and had other developmental issues.  BUT when it came to worship, he couldn’t wait to get to church.  He was unable to sing or really express himself the way most people do in worship so for him, worship came by moving every part of his body.  Now some folks thought it was distracting.  Some thought it was silly.  But for those who understand worship and the NEED to worship, it was beautiful.  You see Andrew couldn’t sing like the rest of us, but his soul inside of him worshipped through the movements he felt from the music.  His SOUL was going to worship if not verbally, then it was going to worship physically and that’s exactly what he did.  Every part of him moved, his back, his arms, in sometimes a wavy motion or a bending motion but what caught your eye most was the smile on his face – it was like a HUGE beam of light.

Somewhere in the Bible it talks about birds singing their praise to God and there’s another section that speaks about even the rocks crying out if humans don’t praise God.  As we continued to talk I said to my husband, “Isn’t it amazing that our soul was created with the desperate need to WORSHIP GOD in whatever way it can? That Andrew’s soul had such a need to worship that for him, the way he expressed himself was with his ENTIRE BEING?  What would it be like if people really caught on to the fact that their souls were CREATED to worship God?”

For those who attend church week after week and can’t wait for worship to be done, I wonder what it will be like when they get to heaven and find out that we will be worshipping at the throne of God 24/7 crying, “HOLY! HOLY! HOLY! Is the Lord of Hosts!”

The Bible says we were created to worship God. That’s not just in our singing, our playing of our instruments, our interpretive dance, or whatever form or expression you use to worship but our true worship comes in our every day lives.  Our actions towards others.  Our treatment of our spouses, our children, our extended family and those we come in contact with.  Worship is something we are called to do all the time, with our whole heart, our mind, our soul and our body and yes even our actions.

Well this blog ends on a sad note but not really.  Andrew became ill a few years ago with a virus that took his life when he was in his late teens. BUT as Dave (my husband) and I were wrapping up our conversation, Dave said, “Now Andrew is singing, dancing and worshipping God completely healthy with no limitations….how great is that?”

Let’s all worship like Andrew did from his soul and in the process tear down the walls of “I don’t DO worship” when I’m at church and let our guard down and worship God with everything you’ve got.  I bet you’ll be surprised at how it changes your life.

What’s YOUR ministry approach?

From the time I was a child my dad (a Pastor) drummed it into my head “In everything you do, do it as unto the Lord” – of course now I know that this verse is shown quite a few times in the New Testament but even back in the Old Testament as early on as Cain and Abel, we see where  they were to bring the BEST of their first fruits to the Lord.  This pattern continues throughout the Bible when we see reference to a lamb or animal offered as a sacrifice that had no blemish. So don’t you think this is the way we should be approaching ministry each week?

Now I am NOT saying that you should quit your ministry job because you’re human and make mistakes. That is NOT the reason for this blog post. BUT what I AM challenging you to do is to bring your BEST each week not only to the congregation but to GOD in preparing worship if you’re the worship leader or in preparing your sermon if you’re the Pastor or in prepping your lesson if you’re a Sunday School teacher, youth leader, woman’s bible study leader, small group leader – whatever ministry you’re involved in.  Are you putting your BEST effort forward?

There isn’t a worship leader I know that won’t admit to once or twice flying by the seat of their pants on a Sunday morning for worship . Either the week had been hideously busy or they let other things get in the way. They’ve had to throw a list together in five minutes of what they consider their top “Go To” songs and then cross their fingers it works.  BUT if this has become your normal weekly routine of approaching your ministry responsibility- then THERE IS A PROBLEM.  

Prepping for your sermon should never be left till Saturday just as prepping for worship should NEVER be left till Saturday night when you FINALLY decide to send a list out to your worship team via text at 9pm or 10pm expecting them to pull music and go over anything they may not know on their own.   That is NOT giving your best to God.  Your actions in tossing a list to your team that late shows a blatant disregard for excellence as a leader in your own life and it shows a disrespect to them as musicians or vocalists by not giving them proper time to prep for ministry.  If you’re a Pastor and you’re handing your powerpoints to your media team on Saturday or worse yet on Sunday morning so that they have to scramble to get them into the service format then I’m going to straight up say SHAME ON YOU! The saying goes, “Procrastination on YOUR part does NOT necessitate and emergency on MY part.”  Not to mention you are leaving them under added  stress if they’re all ready dealing with sound issues or other media issues that need to be resolved before the service.

Do you hand your materials to your Administrative Secretary on Thursday afternoon expecting her to get everything done for the bulletin by the time she leaves on Friday? BIG NO NO . I’ve been in that position.  It’s not fair to wait until you “finally get around to it” and then expect her to scramble to get it done so she can enjoy her weekend.  

Now if you’re NOT one of these types I’ve mentioned above then I applaud you because you’re thinking of those who you serve with and you’re also allowing yourself to give your best to God.

If you ARE guilty of these then here’s a few suggestions:

1) As a worship leader, teacher, or even pastor, you should be prepping for your sermons in advance thinking of topics, jotting down illustrations, and most of all BEING IN PRAYER for the service coming up that week.  

2) As a worship leader, you need to be handing your team the list of songs in advance so that they can pull them up on youtube or listen to them off a CD or whatever you use.  And I’m not talking about 2 days ahead of time either.  Take a morning and spend a couple of hours prepping for 4-6 weeks ahead of time. I hold rehearsals every two weeks and cover TWO WEEKS worth of services and intro new songs during that rehearsal.  Then on Sunday morning prior to service it’s a quick dry run through. Don’t get in the mindset of “that won’t allow the Holy Spirit to flow” because guess what? If the Holy Spirit is going to flow, He’s smart enough to do it within the confines of our little worship list.  Yes you can make a last minute change to a song in the set – just not the WHOLE set.

3) Need to get info for the bulletin to your admin person? Then I suggest letting them prep as much of the bulletin as they can AHEAD of time, hand it to you for approval or additions and then YOU need to get it back to them at least 48 hours prior to when it needs printing OR if you have competent people you know that KNOW what they’re doing, then trust them to get it done and printed each week.  If something has been left out decide if it’s really that pertinent and then make an additional announcement about it during the service. Pastors do not need to be administrators if God has given them well equipped staff to handle those things. Trust them to do it.  It’s one more thing off your plate that frees you up for more ministry.  

4) Powerpoint slides holding you up? Type up what you want on your slides in a basic format and let your admin person or media person be responsible for the slide creation each week.  Jot down the main points or even use the “fill in the blank” approach.  This saves YOU time and THEM stress.  

Approach ministry in EXCELLENCE.  Just as you expect your staff or musicians or leaders to give excellence, how much more so should we as Pastors and Worship Leaders/Directors, Youth Leaders etc be expected to do the same? Your worship team, your youth workers, your staff will follow the example YOU set.  

I can say I’ve  been blessed to work with some Pastors who were on the ball with their powerpoints, their sermon notes, bulletin info, etc. AND on the opposite end of that I’ve worked for those who procrastinated and expected me to stay till 7 or 8 pm on a Friday evening or come in on Saturday morning taking time away from my family.   Currently I’ve been blessed to work with a Pastor who is BIG on prepping ahead of time.  I am VERY grateful because it frees me up from the stress of having to guess what’s going on each week for worship.  We meet monthly and plan things out with still allowing the Holy Spirit to have room to do whatever Holy Spirit pleases. 🙂  So please don’t use the excuse that pre-planning “cramps the Holy Spirit’s style” when it’s really YOUR style you’re worried about and it’s your lack of preparation that needs work.  Sorry guys, but you can only throw in so many altar calls in the middle of service to shorten up your preaching time and then people start to catch on. My dad, my uncle and my grandfather spent hours prepping their sermons and in prayer each week while working full time jobs in a secular environment. If you’re full time at your church or even part time, then there’s not much of an excuse for NOT having time to prep. STRUCTURE is one of the keys to successful ministry. 

Start giving EXCELLENCE.  Prep ahead of time.  And WATCH how God honors what you’re doing and how much less stress you feel when it’s time to minister. 

 

 

 

Is Church Making You Sick? (humorous and not so humorous)

I’m sure after reading the title I’ve piqued your interest.  The title could be taken many ways but I’m referring to it in the vain of when the stress of church can actually make you PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY and SPIRITUALLY sick,

I grew up a Pastor’s kid as most of you may know if you’ve been following this blog.  That means born in the pew, never missed a service unless I was near death and spent more time in the church building than I did my own house.   I sort of had a triple whammy.  My Grandfather was the founding Pastor, my dad was the English speaking Pastor and my Uncle was the Italian speaking in our church – it was a bi-lingual non-denominational pentecostal church.  I couldn’t get away from the pastor connection thing no matter how hard I tried because my other grandfather was a pastor too, my grandfather’s brother was a pastor, my dad’s brother was a pastor, my dad’s brother in law was a Pastor and I have several cousins who are pastors.  We are FULL of Pastors in this family.  Not sure if that means we’re gluttons for punishment or we genuinely LOVE serving God and people but our you could always count on finding someone at a family function to pray. 🙂

Being from a Pastor’s family you’re very much aware of things that are going on around you.  Besides being a member of the “ruling monarchy” where your entire life is a fishbowl with what feels like 24 hours surveillance on you, you also “hear” things about the people in the church.  Sometimes good, sometimes not so good.

My parents should have moved my bedroom to another spot in the house because we lived in a small cape cod style home in Upstate NY and the hallways were short and the bedrooms close.  My parents obviously figured that I was asleep and couldn’t hear them talking from my bedroom whether they were in the living room or their own bedroom but I heard EVERY word.  In fact, I’d lay there and practically break my neck trying to hear what they were saying.

I could catch the latest scoop on who was having marital issues, who’s husband drank too much, who was whining because they weren’t married yet and their biological clock was ticking, who was gossiping about who and which person this week you had to keep your eye on because they were trying to cause trouble in church.

Now please don’t take this the wrong way but in the culture I come from, some of the people tend to be “drama queens” both male and female.  THEY LOVE drama.  It’s just the way they’re wired – it’s as irritating as poison ivy but it’s the truth.  If felt like our church had more than it’s share of drama queens though.

Anyway – I don’t want to get off topic.  The amount of things that you hear when you’re in ministry can really get to you.  If you’re the Pastor or the Pastor’s wife, you have the unbelievable privilege to be the one people call, the one who hears their complaints, their “side” of the story, the one who gets to hear all the things you’re doing wrong, all the things your kids are doing wrong, etc.

You’re the victim of gossip, of two faced people, of not being able to have a person you can trust in confidence to talk things out (at least not in the church), and you keep alot to yourself.

My Grandfather was my first “protector”.  He was the most incredible man.  I was “grandpa’s girl” mainly because he lived with our family but he never let my mom discipline me and even told her one time that if she spanked me, he’d hit her back. I shouldn’t laugh every time I tell that story but it’s true.  He let NO ONE touch me.  My grandfather was a work horse from day one.  He worked a regular job and travelled to a couple of different towns on the weekends to preach services for small groups of italian congregations that needed a Pastor.  My grandmother died when my mom was seven years old.  They had four children at the time and my grandmother was in her mid 30’s and died from what they called, “Acute indigestion” which translates now into a heart attack.  He was left to raise those girls and depended on his oldest daughter to stay with them when he couldn’t be there.

They finally moved to Rochester and he acquired a church building for them to meet in.  He was the person that did everything that needed to be done in the church until my mom grew up and married my dad who by then was all ready a Pastor for a church in the Southern Tier of NY.   My other Uncle was now preaching there as well. The congregation grew and so did the trouble.  Things like letters from one Pastor to another were given to my grandfather warning him of a congregants bad behavior and tendency to cause problems in church.  There were fights about buildings, service times, who wanted to be on the church board – you name it, we had the drama.

I noticed the illness factor in my grandfather when I was about nine years old.  He was in and out of the hospital alot when I was a child.  He had stomach problems my mom would tell me until I learned later on that it was ulcers.  He kept alot inside about the things he endured as a Pastor.  The personal attacks, the people trying to split the church.

My mom, bless her heart,  went through some tough scrutiny, some nasty bouts of verbal attacks against her and her sisters and her dad, and it continued and got worse as she became one of the Pastor’s wives.  She was “very nervous.”  THAT would be an understatement.  My mom was as high strung as a Jack Russell terrier on Espresso.  She bit her nails, she had headaches, tons of stomach issues and even had a bout with colon cancer when I was six years old. She didn’t sleep well at night.  She and my father argued constantly about the things people from church would say when the phone rang over and over again EVERY Monday following the Sunday services while dad was working his full time job.

All that “nervousness” transferred itself to me because I started having stomach issues when I was about 10 years old and finally the pediatrician told my parents that I too had a “nervous stomach.”  My grandfather died shortly thereafter.  I was devastated.  No more learning to count in italian, no more stories about pagans and how I needed to stay away from the things of the world, no more stories, no more rides on his knee and no more hugs.  My dad and my uncle were now solely responsible for the church.  That was an interesting transition.

As the years went on, my aunt (who’s husband was the italian pastor), developed angina and a heart condition.  She finally got to the point where she couldn’t go to church because it would make her so nervous that she’d get chest pain and would be popping a couple of nitroglycerin pills during service and end up going home. My mom of course would get nervous because of it and basically it was a bundle of nerves the entire time.

My aunt passed away three days before her scheduled by pass surgery from a heart attack.  My uncle was heart broken.  There were very much in love.

My mom continued with the health issues – gall bladder attacks leading to surgery, unbelievable bouts with insomnia over ‘church stuff”.  My dad buried himself in overtime at Kodak and in doing things at church.  I sought refuge by getting involved in school stuff and taking on the role of Pastor’s wife because my mom had stopped going to church.  I hosted church dinners, I worked in the nursery, I sat in the church during counseling appointments in another room, I attended every service – and we had church FIVE times a week.  Thank God I was able to do homework during church. 🙂

My dad starting having health issues.  He ended up in the hospital needing surgery because his stomach was so messed up.  He recovered and was back at church immediately.

I developed migraine headaches at the age of nine.  I later found out those were stress related and hormone related.

Yeah – it was pretty much a mess in our house.

Let’s fast forward to my adult years.  I’ve endured my share of migraines, stomach pains and anxiety attacks from ministry positions.  I’ve seen my husband do the same.  I’ve seen us have sleepless nights. Our kids have seen the physical effects and the emotional effects of us being in ministry positions over the years.  Neither of my kids will attend church because of what they’ve seen us endure and what they heard their grandparents went through.  It saddens me more than I can put into words.

So if you’re finding yourself having sleepless nights, bad headaches, stiff necks, stomach pains, and whatever else I’m going to ask you to do this…..STOP IT.  IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

My father died from a massive heart attack two weeks following his 70th birthday.  He had resigned his position as pastor about two years earlier and my mom said he was stressed from something including some property that he was trying to hold onto from his childhood for the sake of another family member being able to live there.  She told me that for years before that he had recurring nightmares and would wake up hollering in his sleep.  She said that his blood pressure had been high.  It’s amazing the things your parents don’t tell you once you get married and move out of the house because they don’t want you to worry.  She told me he was quite hurt from the way he’d been treated before he resigned.  He had gotten to the point that after over 40 years of ministry, he had finally had enough.  He had to get out.   It was too much.

My mother died of colon cancer in 2005 and I can tell you as sure as I’m sitting here it was because of the bitterness she harboured until her last breath against the people that hurt her and our family so much over the years.  She could recall incidences as clear and as fresh as the day they happened up until a couple of weeks before she passed away.  I know this for a fact because she visited me six weeks before she died and and got on the tangent of what so and so did and I looked at her and said, “Mommy, PLEASE let it go.  They’ve moved on.  YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON TOO.”  By that time the bitterness had become so much a part of her that she got mad at me for saying that even though I KNEW she knew I was right.

My Uncle who was the italian Pastor died from cancer as well.  My cousin found a box of his diaries recounting all the things that went on in the church, the pain it cause him, the pain it caused my aunt, how it broke his heart and even recounting where a church member grabbed his by the neck.    If you knew my uncle, he was a humble, quiet man who wouldn’t hurt a flea.  He worked as a barber to support his family.  He loved his family and he loved people and most of alll he loved the Lord with his entire being – it showed the minute  you saw him.

About two years ago my husband and I were attending a church, I had been asked by the pastor’s wife to take over the Womens Ministry because she was spread too thin.  I gladly took it on.  She asked me to fill in for worship when they went on vacation.  I gladly did that too.  I found out that she eventually started feeling threatened and told her husband that he needed to get us out of the church.  I had developed a successful moms ministry there, had developed a strong Womens Ministry and the people liked the way I led worship.  He called us in, ripped us up one side and down the other, said some hurtful and hateful things and we told him we were done.  We would leave his church since that’s what they wanted.

I was so hurt – I  cried – I cried alot.  My husband was angry – so angry.  We both got angry at God.  And we both started getting sick too – physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We stopped going to church.  We stopped reading our bibles. We just stopped everything.  And it was a horrible time in our lives.  It wasn’t until we hit rock bottom without God as a main part in our life that we finally realized that what the things we saw over the years and recently were NOT God’s fault.  What we had endured was at the hands of people – some very screwed up people.    We realized that we needed to ask God for forgiveness and we started to attend church.  My walls were up – I dragged my feet.  I didn’t want to be back in church.  I shook physically to the point of rattling when I walked into church again.  i popped prozac before going.  I did that for about six weeks.  Little by little, things got better.  And little by little, because of God’s grace, His love and His mercy, we are at a point in our lives now that God is THE MOST important person in our lives and that He has restored to us the joy of our salvation, our peace of minds and our desire to be in ministry.  We also started to attend a church that has showed us love and support in ways I can’t even put into words especially when my husband was diagnosed with Leukemia in November of 2012.  The Pastors and the church family have been great.   We are back and active again and my husband is doing amazing!

My friend, DO NOT allow the enemy to let church swallow you up to the point of illness, to the point of strife in your home, to the point of feeling like you can’t find peace.  Realize that PEOPLE ARE HUMAN – THEY WILL MESS YOU UP and that you CANNOT allow that to shroud your view of God and how GOOD and LOVING and MERCIFUL and AMAZING GOD IS.

If you can remove yourself from the situation, then do so.  Even if it hurts.  But in the long run it will be worth it.  Confront what needs confronting because then and only then you can CONQUER it.  God NEVER intended for church to make you sick – EVER.  There were issues back in the Bible days but even now, we need to keep our eyes and our minds on God and HIM ONLY.

Worship Leader/Worship Arts/Worship Pastor Turn over? Hmmmm…..

I’ve spoken to a few Pastors lately and all have said the same thing “Most of these younger worship leaders last MAYBE a year to 18 months if we’re lucky.  I just wish someone would come and STAY….”

Or I’ve heard, “They used our church as a stepping stone and it felt like every week was a concert with the spotlight on THEM instead of God.  Why can’t we find a worship leader with a heart to really worship God?”  

I’ve thought about this question a lot and I’ve watched the way things have changed in the last six to eight years in the area of worship in many denominations. One large church in the area I know of has been through three worship leaders in the last six years since I’ve been in the Tampa area.  THREE in six years.  That’s an average stay of two years although some were shorter than that. 

Here’s my insight (from an old sage who’s been doing worship for over 16 years).  When you’re looking for a worship leader or Director of Worship Arts or Worship pastor – whatever title you choose to give them, here’s what to NOT look for:

1) Funky hair style and modern ways of dressing – this is one of those instances where clothes DO NOT “make the man (or woman).”  They could be decked out in the best of designer clothing or the best of what Plato’s closet has to offer that makes them look upbeat and trendy but it DOES NOT make them a worship leader.

2) AGE – this is a BIG one.  I’ve read a few job postings that went something like this “Looking for someone between the ages of 20-40 to lead our church in contemporary worship”.   Yep – so if you’re 41 forget it . If you’re 50 don’t even think about it.  

3) Education background – ok so they may have studied at Berklee or Julliard.  Does that mean there’s an anointing there? They can have EVERY ASPECT of the technical down but if they don’t have an ounce of anointing or the ability to relate to a team, you’ve got a pretty package with NOTHING inside of it. 

SO now let’s talk about what you NEED to be looking at:

1) Experience, talent and anointing – the person who applied for the position may be pushing 45 or 50 or 55 BUT if they have the experience, the talent and the anointing, don’t put them at the bottom of the pile just because you THINK they won’t “look the part.” If you want to draw people into the church because your staff is “young, trendy and great to look at” then you may as well just put a picture of the Kardashians up on the screen because that’s how empty your vision is.

2) Are they pleasant to listen to? In other words – the video clip that they sent you – is it offensive to your ears and everyone else’s or do they sing on pitch and play their instrument proficiently?  If they do, again, put them in the possible candidate file.

3) THEY NEED TO HAVE MUSICAL TRAINING AND BACKGROUND.  A worship leader is NOT just someone who can sing and worship.  THEY MUST have common, BASIC musical knowledge about what on earth a “Middle C” is and WHERE it is on the piano.  Here’s a short shocker of a story – I was playing keyboards for a church and the pastor’s wife was the leader.  I happened to be standing away from the keyboard and I asked her if she could hit a middle C and she was looked at me and said, “Where’s middle C?”  Now mind you her own 6 year old daughter knew where middle C was because she’d been taking lessons from me for a few months and her mom, the worship leader couldn’t find a C on the piano to save her life.  One of the few times I’ve been totally speechless.  

Your worship leader needs to have basic music knowledge and should know what keys are compatible to the congregation to sing in.  Just because they as the leader have a Sandi Patti voice does NOT mean the congregation can sing like that.  In most cases people will STOP singing a song that hurts THEIR throat.  There’s a few common keys that are easiest to be sung in.  USE those.

4) Can they put a worship service TOGETHER?  It is a MUST to have a list that flows with a THEME and is EASY to transition from one song to the other both in key and in tempo.  If your worship leader is just randomly picking songs and there’s no theme, there’s a problem.  Simple themes can be the love of God, holiness, grace, etc.  Not rocket science really – just pick a theme with the songs and STICK TO IT.  

5) Have they been mentored or trained by a season leader over the years? If not, then you are in for a ride.  It is imperative that you never ever throw a novice into a position especially one as important and leading your congregation into worship.  I’ve had the chance to mentor up a few leaders in my day and it’s a rewarding experience for me and a priceless one for them because it builds their confidence, fine tunes their calling and gives them the constructive critique that they need sometimes not in just HOW they lead worship but in technical things like THEIR pitch, their interaction with the congregation and with the Lord during worship, their song selection, which songs worked, which ones should have been left out, did they sing a song WAY too many times, how did they fill gaps or deal with a longer altar call etc,  These are things that are learned over time and with help. 

6) In their video clip is it evident that they too are worshipping? You can see alot of a worship leader’s heart in how they look while they’re leading.  It’s kind of like the cliche that “a picture paints a thousand words.”  You can sense who is leading from the heart and who is leading because they’re thinking to themselves, “Man oh Man do I sound kickin’ good right now!” 

Let’s get back to the turn over issue – if you’ve been experiencing alot of it, or if you’ve had more worship leaders than you have children, you may need to stop and consider the things I’ve talked about above.

STOP trying to be like every other church.  STOP trying to sing all the cutting edge music and get BACK to the BASICS of worship – WITHOUT the distraction. Shut the smoke machine down, get rid of the designs projected on the wall, leave off the strobe lights.   STOP allowing your church to be someone’s MTV star stage.  You’re not helping them – they need to be taught that worship is NEVER and SHOULD NEVER be about THEM and should ALWAYS be about pointing people to our Father and that the PRIMARY goal of each and every word that is sung is to GLORIFY GOD.  

I’m interested in hearing from you on your experiences and thoughts on this so please feel free to comment.  And, pass this blog on to your leaders and other pastor friends too.  It may help them when they’re searching for their next worship leader. 

 

Just WHO is our church service all about?

My husband and I had the chance to take a short get away this past weekend and it’s always nice to be able to have time without the interruption of a television going all the time or the general “noise” that you have going on around  you all the time.  It’s usually a great time for us to talk about things that are on our mind and sort of “brainstorm” about things we’ve been thinking about.  There’s also time to just sit in silence and listen to praise and worship music or preaching that’s on the radio.

Have you ever really just sat and LISTENED to the words of the song that you’re hearing on the radio?  It’s amazing that we can sing along to a bunch of songs and never really THINK about the words that are coming out of our mouth.

I had that experience on the way home.  I’ve sung this one particular song several times as a worship leader and I will sheepishly admit that I haven’t taken the words to heart every time I’ve sung it.  The song is “The Heart of Worship.”

The verse says this: “When the music fades and ALL is stripped away and I simply come; longing just to sing something that’s of worth, that will bless your heart; I’ll bring you more than a song for a song in itself is not what you have required; you search much deeper within to the way things appear – you’re looking into my heart”

Then the chorus goes on to say, “I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship and it’s all about you, all about  you Jesus.  I’m sorry Lord for the “thing” I’ve made it when it’s all about, ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS.”

My “journey” as a worship leader started back in the early 1990’s and I can honestly say that for the most part I’ve taken the responsibility of leading worship very seriously and weighed out my choice of music and the time I spent preparing for service as a priority. I’ve always approached any service I’ve led with fear and trembling because I DO NOT want to get up in front of God and His people unprepared musically or spiritually.  I want to make sure that EVERY WORD that comes out of my mouth is carefully chosen, never crass and ALWAYS pointing people our Father.

Let’s look at the words in the song I mentioned above:  “When the music fades and ALL is STRIPPED WAY and I simply come….”  wow – there it is.  We need to come before the Father stripped away  of our own agendas, our own thoughts about worship and seek HIM for what we should do each service.  Coming to Him with a clear mind, focused on Him and stripped away of our ego, our aspirations, etc.    There you are in His presence kneeling before him.

“Longing just to bring something that’s of worth, that will bless your heart” – is that our motive? Do we come before God when we’re leading worship with the idea of bringing god something of worth that will bless HIS heart? Or are we bringing forth something that will tickle peoples ears? Something that will “draw in the crowd”?

It goes on “I’ll bring you more than a song, for song in itself is not what you have required, you search much deeper within, to the way things appear, you’re looking into MY heart…” I see that as me in a dark room with a spot light on me, me on my knees, head bowed and God taking a look at me, what’s in my heart, what my motives are, clutter and all, trying to sift through the things that have taken priority over HIM and for Him to look at my heart condition – and seeing just what type of condition my heart really is in.

“I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship and it’s all about YOU, it’s ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS.”  Are we really making our worship and sermons ALL ABOUT JESUS? Or is it about showing off what we can DO for Jesus or for God? Is it about how loud we can preach? How many people get Holy Ghost goosebumps from our sermon? How great we can sing? What kind of stage presence we have? How awesome a song list we’ve put together timed just right with the lights and our singers humming at the right time behind us?

Do we spend every Sunday looking for some outward manifestation of a move of God that operates what we gauge our “success-o-meter” on?  How many people raised their hands during worship? How many spoke in tongues out loud? How many people clapped during the fast song (because if they didn’t we should probably take it off our list – it’s a dud.) Oh and yes of course, how many compliments did we receive on a ‘great service today”.

I’ve learned a few things – FIRST and foremost there is NOT ONE PART OF THE SERVICE THAT IS EVER OR SHOULD EVER BE ABOUT ME.  If the “ME” factor is a factor, then there’s a BIG problem.  God forgive us of pride and arrogance and showmanship in the church.

Secondly – worship and every single word of every single song had better be about God the Father and Jesus and pointing people to HIM and NEVER to us, our talents, our abilities, how great we preach, how cool our outfit is or how awesome we need to hear we are at leading worship.

In short, it’s called “DYING TO SELF.”  God help me and forgive me if one inch of “self” is ever in the worship I do.  Now yes I am a perfectionist and I want things to sound good, I want things to flow, I like smooth transitions between songs.  I want people to enter into worship but more than any of that I want God to be honored, to be blessed and to be glorified before ANYTHING ELSE.  The rest is “fluff”.

I want to come back to the “heart of worship” and what worship is truly about.  We’ve lost sight of that in so many of our churches these days.  We base the success of our service by the response to the songs we sang that are in the top 20 on the radio that we hear, we base the success of our sermons on how much we can get people going, on how much we can “stir ’em  up”.   Well it’s not our job to “stir ’em up” – we aren’t the Holy Spirit.  I DO believe it’s our job to lead them into worship and to teach them the Word because those two things together produce a hunger in people.  Teaching them to sit at the feet of Jesus during worship and to sit and listen to the Word and letting it speak to their heart and into their life – that’s what the goal should ALWAYS be.

“I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it” – we’ve made it a show; we’ve made it about us; we’ve made it about what WE want to put on in front of people.  WHY? Don’t we understand that before God’s nostrils it  stinks?

I’ve shared this before – I’ve heard so many Pastors say in exasperation how their young worship leaders have used their churches as stepping stones to “hit the big time” and that week after week it’s been “John so and so IN CONCERT” instead of John so and so leading God’s people in worship.  They’re looking for those with a true heart of worship. Those who’ve died so much to themselves that NOTHING is left.

It took time to get there I’ll admit – and I still have times when I may come down hard on myself if the list didn’t flow the way I wanted it to or if I didn’t see the response I was expecting and then I stop myself and say, “What are you thinking? WHO is worship for?” and then I realize that there’s still MORE of my “self” that needs to die.

So when you’re prepping worship or your sermon, when you’re in front of the people that God has entrusted to you, stay in FOCUS on what your real responsibility is.  Don’t let ANY of your “self” creep in and then you will see the hand of God move, you’ll see lives changed and you’ll know that you’ve done your best for God – with or without an outward manifestation because when we bring our best to God, He ALWAYS honors it.

The Things You See In Church….(the strange & funny…)

Ah the joys of growing up in church  being the Pastor’s kid and then staying in church…..

I always said I’d write a book about the stuff I’ve seen in church and the things I’ve heard. It’s really a trip sometimes. 

Growing up I remember two brother in laws having an actual FIST FIGHT during church because they had some type of disagreement – mind you this was DURING  the song service and they were both in the orchestra area.  

Then there’s the time one man was aggravated and he said he was taking one of the support posts (support beam) with him and he was leaving the church.  A SUPPORT POST? I mean REALLY?  He said he paid for it.  lol

And of course in the old days going to church was like Fashion Week on  a weekly basis.  The women trying to outdo themselves.  My mom used to tell me that she’d have a new outfit complete with hat, gloves, shoes and purse almost every week.  Of course this tradition was passed down to me even as a kid – I was dressed to the nines in the nicest dresses and shiny black patent leather shoes.  Even as a teenager I had a new dress frequently. 

I remember growing up and the ladies would have little pillbox hats with whimsy veils on them.  Of course there was usually a flower or pretty pin on them too.  All the little girls had ruffly white ankle socks on and the little boys had suits with long pants or vests with shirts, ties and shorts.  

Let’s see – ok there was the one older lady who got mad at my mom and told her she was putting a curse on her.  Nice huh? lol  

Then there was the man who got up during testimony time and said, “Before I was saved I used to drink a glass of wine and feel drunk.  Now thank God I can drink a whole jug and not feel a thing…”  

Oh let’s not forget the church trustee who had no problems letting a few swear words rip during meetings – my dad used to just shake his head and look down. 

And we had our share of street people that came through church as well.  There was one guy, “Jack the wino” we named him.  Jack used to come in church every so often when he needed money.  His first few times he would tell us, “My mom got hit by a bus, I need money for her funeral.”  The thing is that his mom got hit by a bus like seven or eight times in the matter of a year….. 

Our church used to have a built in time of prayer where everyone would kneel between the pews and pray.  (This is a PENTECOSTAL CHURCH now so keep that in mind.)  Jack staggered in, sat in the last pew and fell asleep.  The prayer part of the service ended and about ten minutes later Jack woke up, realized everyone was sitting normally facing the front so he cleared  his throat, made the sign of the cross and sat down.

My dad was the Pastor so his interactions with Jack were frequent.  One Sunday Jack came in and of course his mom had gotten hit by a bus – AGAIN.  My dad said that in order for him to receive any type of help he needed to come in and stay for the service.  There were about 10 steps that you needed to walk up to into the sanctuary because our church was an older church.  Dad started walking up the stairs with Jack in tow and Jack exclaimed, “WOW these steps are moving!”  My dad looked at him and said, “Yep, they do that sometimes…..”

There was a guy that came into church and he stuck out his hand and in his best inebriated voice announced, ‘Hi! I’m Hezekiah!” 

Another time we attended a special service at another church there was a very well known speaker.  During the worship part of the service a guy got up to give a “word.” The word was this, “And the Lord would say, “HANGETH in there…..”   (I never knew that there was such an old english word as “HANGETH”.  

Ah the things you see and hear in church growing up.  The crazy legalistic stuff like no christmas trees, no makeup/nail polish/jewelry, going to the movies was a sin, bowling was a sin, having any kind of party was a sin, wearing pants if you were a female was a sin, pierced ears were a sin – EVERYTHING seemed to be a sin growing up and I didn’t grow up in a pentecostal holiness church but it was pretty legalistic.  Funny thing was that all that applied to the preachers family but everyone ELSE in the congregation was doing all those things. LOL  

OH and please don’t let me forget how interacting with any other denomination was a sin.  ESPECIALLY if they were catholic.   Now, where I went to elementary there was a catholic church and school across the street.  One day our school received a bomb threat in the middle of the day. They quickly evacuated us to the catholic school’s gym across the street.  Well when I got home and told my mom she pitched a fit.  To this day I wanted to ask her, “Would prefer that I stayed in school and got blown up?!!”  I mean, it’s not like being catholic was contagious – Lord have mercy! 

There’s so many more things that don’t come to mind but I’m sure some day I’ll sit and write more about those.

No wonder God says we’re a “peculiar people….” 🙂