Ah the joys of growing up in church being the Pastor’s kid and then staying in church…..
I always said I’d write a book about the stuff I’ve seen in church and the things I’ve heard. It’s really a trip sometimes.
Growing up I remember two brother in laws having an actual FIST FIGHT during church because they had some type of disagreement – mind you this was DURING the song service and they were both in the orchestra area.
Then there’s the time one man was aggravated and he said he was taking one of the support posts (support beam) with him and he was leaving the church. A SUPPORT POST? I mean REALLY? He said he paid for it. lol
And of course in the old days going to church was like Fashion Week on a weekly basis. The women trying to outdo themselves. My mom used to tell me that she’d have a new outfit complete with hat, gloves, shoes and purse almost every week. Of course this tradition was passed down to me even as a kid – I was dressed to the nines in the nicest dresses and shiny black patent leather shoes. Even as a teenager I had a new dress frequently.
I remember growing up and the ladies would have little pillbox hats with whimsy veils on them. Of course there was usually a flower or pretty pin on them too. All the little girls had ruffly white ankle socks on and the little boys had suits with long pants or vests with shirts, ties and shorts.
Let’s see – ok there was the one older lady who got mad at my mom and told her she was putting a curse on her. Nice huh? lol
Then there was the man who got up during testimony time and said, “Before I was saved I used to drink a glass of wine and feel drunk. Now thank God I can drink a whole jug and not feel a thing…”
Oh let’s not forget the church trustee who had no problems letting a few swear words rip during meetings – my dad used to just shake his head and look down.
And we had our share of street people that came through church as well. There was one guy, “Jack the wino” we named him. Jack used to come in church every so often when he needed money. His first few times he would tell us, “My mom got hit by a bus, I need money for her funeral.” The thing is that his mom got hit by a bus like seven or eight times in the matter of a year…..
Our church used to have a built in time of prayer where everyone would kneel between the pews and pray. (This is a PENTECOSTAL CHURCH now so keep that in mind.) Jack staggered in, sat in the last pew and fell asleep. The prayer part of the service ended and about ten minutes later Jack woke up, realized everyone was sitting normally facing the front so he cleared his throat, made the sign of the cross and sat down.
My dad was the Pastor so his interactions with Jack were frequent. One Sunday Jack came in and of course his mom had gotten hit by a bus – AGAIN. My dad said that in order for him to receive any type of help he needed to come in and stay for the service. There were about 10 steps that you needed to walk up to into the sanctuary because our church was an older church. Dad started walking up the stairs with Jack in tow and Jack exclaimed, “WOW these steps are moving!” My dad looked at him and said, “Yep, they do that sometimes…..”
There was a guy that came into church and he stuck out his hand and in his best inebriated voice announced, ‘Hi! I’m Hezekiah!”
Another time we attended a special service at another church there was a very well known speaker. During the worship part of the service a guy got up to give a “word.” The word was this, “And the Lord would say, “HANGETH in there…..” (I never knew that there was such an old english word as “HANGETH”.
Ah the things you see and hear in church growing up. The crazy legalistic stuff like no christmas trees, no makeup/nail polish/jewelry, going to the movies was a sin, bowling was a sin, having any kind of party was a sin, wearing pants if you were a female was a sin, pierced ears were a sin – EVERYTHING seemed to be a sin growing up and I didn’t grow up in a pentecostal holiness church but it was pretty legalistic. Funny thing was that all that applied to the preachers family but everyone ELSE in the congregation was doing all those things. LOL
OH and please don’t let me forget how interacting with any other denomination was a sin. ESPECIALLY if they were catholic. Now, where I went to elementary there was a catholic church and school across the street. One day our school received a bomb threat in the middle of the day. They quickly evacuated us to the catholic school’s gym across the street. Well when I got home and told my mom she pitched a fit. To this day I wanted to ask her, “Would prefer that I stayed in school and got blown up?!!” I mean, it’s not like being catholic was contagious – Lord have mercy!
There’s so many more things that don’t come to mind but I’m sure some day I’ll sit and write more about those.
No wonder God says we’re a “peculiar people….” 🙂
From the Inside of Church 