Build Your Church – Make RELATIONSHIP Priority….

There’s tons of books out there on how to grow your church.  Throw in a few thousand dvds and a couple hundred seminars you should be able to grow a mega church in the middle of a cornfield if you do exactly what they – or so they say….

Funny thing is this: You can have TONS of programs, the BEST music, great preaching and of course the coolest coffee bar BUT if your people DO NOT have relationship with GOD FIRST and especially relationship with OTHERS then you have a nice crowd that comes to be entertained. 

When people are looking for a church, first it’s usually because something is missing in their own lives and they’re searching for that.  BUT there’s also those who are looking for a place to “belong.”  A place where they have fellowship with other christians, friends to hang out with, friends to grow with, friends who will be there in the good times and bad.  

I’ve seen a trend especially in the State I live in here among quite a few churches where RELATIONSHIP IS NOT a priority.  It’s about programs first – which thing can we do to bring in the numbers that will work.  OR it’s about the temporary emotional rush that they feel each week for an hour or two during hyper worship and good old fire and brimstone preaching.  After that people walk out and they don’t connect again until they see each other the following Sunday.  Um, I THOUGHT we’re supposed to be FAMILY? We don’t even communicate with each other until we give our churchy smile again each week.  

I’m not going to say this happens in ALL denominations.  There’s a very large church here nearby where I ran my first moms ministry that has got it down to a science – the relationship thing I’m talking about. In part because it was presented to many moms about how vital relationship and supporting each other is.  On the other part because the leadership encourages it in a big way. Couples hang together in the coffee shop, have picnics, go out to eat with each other, do the beach, and even do cruises together and these are couples of VARIOUS ages.  Kids are included too.  AND these women especially are big on being there for each other.  Mention a need and they are jumping into action before you’ve hit “post” on facebook or finished sending out your text.  Toss up on facebook a chance to get together and they’re signing up and eagerly awaiting the time to get together.  

They’re also signing up for bible studies and seminars together and this INCLUDES the guys who have a strong group of relationships going.  Meeting one on one with each other or in small numbers to encourage and be there for each other. 

SO WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH THE REST OF THE CHURCH BODY?! The most vital work is done through relationship.  You want to make a difference, sit across from someone for an hour with a cup of coffee or over lunch or dinner and THAT is where TRUE ministry starts.

What I’ve seen is that “we’re busy.”  Really? TOO busy to stop and get to know someone and make a difference in their life?  TOO busy to sit with a couple who is struggling in their marriage and is crying out for help in many ways? TOO busy to make that widow feel a part of things? Too busy to help a single mom out in her parenting? TOO BUSY to help that young man trying to find His way around this God thing? TOO BUSY TOO BUSY – yeah? well maybe it’s time to get UNBUSY. 

Instead of having programs to build numbers – come in, do your one hour and leave, let’s build programs that ENCOURAGE relationship.  Small groups are great – they help.  BUT how about encouraging some social interaction? If your service is two hours long, maybe once in awhile give your congregation a break and encourage them to fellowship with one another and shoot for 90 minutes instead that Sunday.  

Have a midweek service? Get rid of it and have small groups that run for three weeks and then do something social on the fourth week.   

Where does it start? IT STARTS WITH YOUR LEADERSHIP AND PASTORAL STAFF.  Teach THEM about relationship.  If you have a smaller church, have your leadership or staff take 5-10 families and those are the ones they keep track of by calling them, getting together with them, meeting their needs if it arises, having them over to their house for dinner or taking them out to eat.  Give your congregation members a “touch point” – that’s a person that they can have a relationship with who is going to genuinely take an interest.  

If you have a big church, break your church up into areas and then divide the number of people in them and have “a care team leader” for every 20-25 people.  They would do the same things I mentioned above.  

What else can be done – SET THE EXAMPLE.  Develop relationship with your leadership not just in meetings about church stuff but on a regular basis where you actually sit and ask them in a non church setting, “Hey, what’s goin’ on your life? How ARE things? How’s your family?”  TAKE an interest in them.   

THIS example is going to help your leaders learn how to do that with the people of your church.  Then the people in your church are going to be doing it with the people in the church and also with those who come into the church and also with those in the community around you. 

The emphasis is wrong these days – it is and never should be on NUMBERS or feel good services.  

We’ve been in Florida SIX YEARS and have YET to have a bunch of couples to fellowship with.  Everyone is “too busy.”  Or no one takes the time to make the initiative and yes I’ve tried.  Back in New York we had fellowship with couples weekly.  The guys called each other to see how they were doing, they met for coffee.  The women had dinner out or at each others houses.  The couples got together.  The men could pray with each other, the women did too.  There were shopping dates, movie dates, and just hanging out with each other.  When something went wrong, we were all there for each other.  When there was a crisis and support was needed we stopped what we were doing and we were at the hospital, the courthouse, the funeral – whatever.  We had heart ties to each other and thankfully to THIS DAY it’s still that way even though we’re 1400 miles away. 

Why isn’t it like that all over? How much effort does it REALLY take to speak into someones life and really BUILD relationship with them? 

SO – ask yourself – are we building relationships one life at a time or building a kingdom or mega church?