Is Church Making You Sick? (humorous and not so humorous)

I’m sure after reading the title I’ve piqued your interest.  The title could be taken many ways but I’m referring to it in the vain of when the stress of church can actually make you PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY and SPIRITUALLY sick,

I grew up a Pastor’s kid as most of you may know if you’ve been following this blog.  That means born in the pew, never missed a service unless I was near death and spent more time in the church building than I did my own house.   I sort of had a triple whammy.  My Grandfather was the founding Pastor, my dad was the English speaking Pastor and my Uncle was the Italian speaking in our church – it was a bi-lingual non-denominational pentecostal church.  I couldn’t get away from the pastor connection thing no matter how hard I tried because my other grandfather was a pastor too, my grandfather’s brother was a pastor, my dad’s brother was a pastor, my dad’s brother in law was a Pastor and I have several cousins who are pastors.  We are FULL of Pastors in this family.  Not sure if that means we’re gluttons for punishment or we genuinely LOVE serving God and people but our you could always count on finding someone at a family function to pray. 🙂

Being from a Pastor’s family you’re very much aware of things that are going on around you.  Besides being a member of the “ruling monarchy” where your entire life is a fishbowl with what feels like 24 hours surveillance on you, you also “hear” things about the people in the church.  Sometimes good, sometimes not so good.

My parents should have moved my bedroom to another spot in the house because we lived in a small cape cod style home in Upstate NY and the hallways were short and the bedrooms close.  My parents obviously figured that I was asleep and couldn’t hear them talking from my bedroom whether they were in the living room or their own bedroom but I heard EVERY word.  In fact, I’d lay there and practically break my neck trying to hear what they were saying.

I could catch the latest scoop on who was having marital issues, who’s husband drank too much, who was whining because they weren’t married yet and their biological clock was ticking, who was gossiping about who and which person this week you had to keep your eye on because they were trying to cause trouble in church.

Now please don’t take this the wrong way but in the culture I come from, some of the people tend to be “drama queens” both male and female.  THEY LOVE drama.  It’s just the way they’re wired – it’s as irritating as poison ivy but it’s the truth.  If felt like our church had more than it’s share of drama queens though.

Anyway – I don’t want to get off topic.  The amount of things that you hear when you’re in ministry can really get to you.  If you’re the Pastor or the Pastor’s wife, you have the unbelievable privilege to be the one people call, the one who hears their complaints, their “side” of the story, the one who gets to hear all the things you’re doing wrong, all the things your kids are doing wrong, etc.

You’re the victim of gossip, of two faced people, of not being able to have a person you can trust in confidence to talk things out (at least not in the church), and you keep alot to yourself.

My Grandfather was my first “protector”.  He was the most incredible man.  I was “grandpa’s girl” mainly because he lived with our family but he never let my mom discipline me and even told her one time that if she spanked me, he’d hit her back. I shouldn’t laugh every time I tell that story but it’s true.  He let NO ONE touch me.  My grandfather was a work horse from day one.  He worked a regular job and travelled to a couple of different towns on the weekends to preach services for small groups of italian congregations that needed a Pastor.  My grandmother died when my mom was seven years old.  They had four children at the time and my grandmother was in her mid 30’s and died from what they called, “Acute indigestion” which translates now into a heart attack.  He was left to raise those girls and depended on his oldest daughter to stay with them when he couldn’t be there.

They finally moved to Rochester and he acquired a church building for them to meet in.  He was the person that did everything that needed to be done in the church until my mom grew up and married my dad who by then was all ready a Pastor for a church in the Southern Tier of NY.   My other Uncle was now preaching there as well. The congregation grew and so did the trouble.  Things like letters from one Pastor to another were given to my grandfather warning him of a congregants bad behavior and tendency to cause problems in church.  There were fights about buildings, service times, who wanted to be on the church board – you name it, we had the drama.

I noticed the illness factor in my grandfather when I was about nine years old.  He was in and out of the hospital alot when I was a child.  He had stomach problems my mom would tell me until I learned later on that it was ulcers.  He kept alot inside about the things he endured as a Pastor.  The personal attacks, the people trying to split the church.

My mom, bless her heart,  went through some tough scrutiny, some nasty bouts of verbal attacks against her and her sisters and her dad, and it continued and got worse as she became one of the Pastor’s wives.  She was “very nervous.”  THAT would be an understatement.  My mom was as high strung as a Jack Russell terrier on Espresso.  She bit her nails, she had headaches, tons of stomach issues and even had a bout with colon cancer when I was six years old. She didn’t sleep well at night.  She and my father argued constantly about the things people from church would say when the phone rang over and over again EVERY Monday following the Sunday services while dad was working his full time job.

All that “nervousness” transferred itself to me because I started having stomach issues when I was about 10 years old and finally the pediatrician told my parents that I too had a “nervous stomach.”  My grandfather died shortly thereafter.  I was devastated.  No more learning to count in italian, no more stories about pagans and how I needed to stay away from the things of the world, no more stories, no more rides on his knee and no more hugs.  My dad and my uncle were now solely responsible for the church.  That was an interesting transition.

As the years went on, my aunt (who’s husband was the italian pastor), developed angina and a heart condition.  She finally got to the point where she couldn’t go to church because it would make her so nervous that she’d get chest pain and would be popping a couple of nitroglycerin pills during service and end up going home. My mom of course would get nervous because of it and basically it was a bundle of nerves the entire time.

My aunt passed away three days before her scheduled by pass surgery from a heart attack.  My uncle was heart broken.  There were very much in love.

My mom continued with the health issues – gall bladder attacks leading to surgery, unbelievable bouts with insomnia over ‘church stuff”.  My dad buried himself in overtime at Kodak and in doing things at church.  I sought refuge by getting involved in school stuff and taking on the role of Pastor’s wife because my mom had stopped going to church.  I hosted church dinners, I worked in the nursery, I sat in the church during counseling appointments in another room, I attended every service – and we had church FIVE times a week.  Thank God I was able to do homework during church. 🙂

My dad starting having health issues.  He ended up in the hospital needing surgery because his stomach was so messed up.  He recovered and was back at church immediately.

I developed migraine headaches at the age of nine.  I later found out those were stress related and hormone related.

Yeah – it was pretty much a mess in our house.

Let’s fast forward to my adult years.  I’ve endured my share of migraines, stomach pains and anxiety attacks from ministry positions.  I’ve seen my husband do the same.  I’ve seen us have sleepless nights. Our kids have seen the physical effects and the emotional effects of us being in ministry positions over the years.  Neither of my kids will attend church because of what they’ve seen us endure and what they heard their grandparents went through.  It saddens me more than I can put into words.

So if you’re finding yourself having sleepless nights, bad headaches, stiff necks, stomach pains, and whatever else I’m going to ask you to do this…..STOP IT.  IT IS NOT WORTH IT.

My father died from a massive heart attack two weeks following his 70th birthday.  He had resigned his position as pastor about two years earlier and my mom said he was stressed from something including some property that he was trying to hold onto from his childhood for the sake of another family member being able to live there.  She told me that for years before that he had recurring nightmares and would wake up hollering in his sleep.  She said that his blood pressure had been high.  It’s amazing the things your parents don’t tell you once you get married and move out of the house because they don’t want you to worry.  She told me he was quite hurt from the way he’d been treated before he resigned.  He had gotten to the point that after over 40 years of ministry, he had finally had enough.  He had to get out.   It was too much.

My mother died of colon cancer in 2005 and I can tell you as sure as I’m sitting here it was because of the bitterness she harboured until her last breath against the people that hurt her and our family so much over the years.  She could recall incidences as clear and as fresh as the day they happened up until a couple of weeks before she passed away.  I know this for a fact because she visited me six weeks before she died and and got on the tangent of what so and so did and I looked at her and said, “Mommy, PLEASE let it go.  They’ve moved on.  YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON TOO.”  By that time the bitterness had become so much a part of her that she got mad at me for saying that even though I KNEW she knew I was right.

My Uncle who was the italian Pastor died from cancer as well.  My cousin found a box of his diaries recounting all the things that went on in the church, the pain it cause him, the pain it caused my aunt, how it broke his heart and even recounting where a church member grabbed his by the neck.    If you knew my uncle, he was a humble, quiet man who wouldn’t hurt a flea.  He worked as a barber to support his family.  He loved his family and he loved people and most of alll he loved the Lord with his entire being – it showed the minute  you saw him.

About two years ago my husband and I were attending a church, I had been asked by the pastor’s wife to take over the Womens Ministry because she was spread too thin.  I gladly took it on.  She asked me to fill in for worship when they went on vacation.  I gladly did that too.  I found out that she eventually started feeling threatened and told her husband that he needed to get us out of the church.  I had developed a successful moms ministry there, had developed a strong Womens Ministry and the people liked the way I led worship.  He called us in, ripped us up one side and down the other, said some hurtful and hateful things and we told him we were done.  We would leave his church since that’s what they wanted.

I was so hurt – I  cried – I cried alot.  My husband was angry – so angry.  We both got angry at God.  And we both started getting sick too – physically, emotionally and spiritually.  We stopped going to church.  We stopped reading our bibles. We just stopped everything.  And it was a horrible time in our lives.  It wasn’t until we hit rock bottom without God as a main part in our life that we finally realized that what the things we saw over the years and recently were NOT God’s fault.  What we had endured was at the hands of people – some very screwed up people.    We realized that we needed to ask God for forgiveness and we started to attend church.  My walls were up – I dragged my feet.  I didn’t want to be back in church.  I shook physically to the point of rattling when I walked into church again.  i popped prozac before going.  I did that for about six weeks.  Little by little, things got better.  And little by little, because of God’s grace, His love and His mercy, we are at a point in our lives now that God is THE MOST important person in our lives and that He has restored to us the joy of our salvation, our peace of minds and our desire to be in ministry.  We also started to attend a church that has showed us love and support in ways I can’t even put into words especially when my husband was diagnosed with Leukemia in November of 2012.  The Pastors and the church family have been great.   We are back and active again and my husband is doing amazing!

My friend, DO NOT allow the enemy to let church swallow you up to the point of illness, to the point of strife in your home, to the point of feeling like you can’t find peace.  Realize that PEOPLE ARE HUMAN – THEY WILL MESS YOU UP and that you CANNOT allow that to shroud your view of God and how GOOD and LOVING and MERCIFUL and AMAZING GOD IS.

If you can remove yourself from the situation, then do so.  Even if it hurts.  But in the long run it will be worth it.  Confront what needs confronting because then and only then you can CONQUER it.  God NEVER intended for church to make you sick – EVER.  There were issues back in the Bible days but even now, we need to keep our eyes and our minds on God and HIM ONLY.

Worship Leader/Worship Arts/Worship Pastor Turn over? Hmmmm…..

I’ve spoken to a few Pastors lately and all have said the same thing “Most of these younger worship leaders last MAYBE a year to 18 months if we’re lucky.  I just wish someone would come and STAY….”

Or I’ve heard, “They used our church as a stepping stone and it felt like every week was a concert with the spotlight on THEM instead of God.  Why can’t we find a worship leader with a heart to really worship God?”  

I’ve thought about this question a lot and I’ve watched the way things have changed in the last six to eight years in the area of worship in many denominations. One large church in the area I know of has been through three worship leaders in the last six years since I’ve been in the Tampa area.  THREE in six years.  That’s an average stay of two years although some were shorter than that. 

Here’s my insight (from an old sage who’s been doing worship for over 16 years).  When you’re looking for a worship leader or Director of Worship Arts or Worship pastor – whatever title you choose to give them, here’s what to NOT look for:

1) Funky hair style and modern ways of dressing – this is one of those instances where clothes DO NOT “make the man (or woman).”  They could be decked out in the best of designer clothing or the best of what Plato’s closet has to offer that makes them look upbeat and trendy but it DOES NOT make them a worship leader.

2) AGE – this is a BIG one.  I’ve read a few job postings that went something like this “Looking for someone between the ages of 20-40 to lead our church in contemporary worship”.   Yep – so if you’re 41 forget it . If you’re 50 don’t even think about it.  

3) Education background – ok so they may have studied at Berklee or Julliard.  Does that mean there’s an anointing there? They can have EVERY ASPECT of the technical down but if they don’t have an ounce of anointing or the ability to relate to a team, you’ve got a pretty package with NOTHING inside of it. 

SO now let’s talk about what you NEED to be looking at:

1) Experience, talent and anointing – the person who applied for the position may be pushing 45 or 50 or 55 BUT if they have the experience, the talent and the anointing, don’t put them at the bottom of the pile just because you THINK they won’t “look the part.” If you want to draw people into the church because your staff is “young, trendy and great to look at” then you may as well just put a picture of the Kardashians up on the screen because that’s how empty your vision is.

2) Are they pleasant to listen to? In other words – the video clip that they sent you – is it offensive to your ears and everyone else’s or do they sing on pitch and play their instrument proficiently?  If they do, again, put them in the possible candidate file.

3) THEY NEED TO HAVE MUSICAL TRAINING AND BACKGROUND.  A worship leader is NOT just someone who can sing and worship.  THEY MUST have common, BASIC musical knowledge about what on earth a “Middle C” is and WHERE it is on the piano.  Here’s a short shocker of a story – I was playing keyboards for a church and the pastor’s wife was the leader.  I happened to be standing away from the keyboard and I asked her if she could hit a middle C and she was looked at me and said, “Where’s middle C?”  Now mind you her own 6 year old daughter knew where middle C was because she’d been taking lessons from me for a few months and her mom, the worship leader couldn’t find a C on the piano to save her life.  One of the few times I’ve been totally speechless.  

Your worship leader needs to have basic music knowledge and should know what keys are compatible to the congregation to sing in.  Just because they as the leader have a Sandi Patti voice does NOT mean the congregation can sing like that.  In most cases people will STOP singing a song that hurts THEIR throat.  There’s a few common keys that are easiest to be sung in.  USE those.

4) Can they put a worship service TOGETHER?  It is a MUST to have a list that flows with a THEME and is EASY to transition from one song to the other both in key and in tempo.  If your worship leader is just randomly picking songs and there’s no theme, there’s a problem.  Simple themes can be the love of God, holiness, grace, etc.  Not rocket science really – just pick a theme with the songs and STICK TO IT.  

5) Have they been mentored or trained by a season leader over the years? If not, then you are in for a ride.  It is imperative that you never ever throw a novice into a position especially one as important and leading your congregation into worship.  I’ve had the chance to mentor up a few leaders in my day and it’s a rewarding experience for me and a priceless one for them because it builds their confidence, fine tunes their calling and gives them the constructive critique that they need sometimes not in just HOW they lead worship but in technical things like THEIR pitch, their interaction with the congregation and with the Lord during worship, their song selection, which songs worked, which ones should have been left out, did they sing a song WAY too many times, how did they fill gaps or deal with a longer altar call etc,  These are things that are learned over time and with help. 

6) In their video clip is it evident that they too are worshipping? You can see alot of a worship leader’s heart in how they look while they’re leading.  It’s kind of like the cliche that “a picture paints a thousand words.”  You can sense who is leading from the heart and who is leading because they’re thinking to themselves, “Man oh Man do I sound kickin’ good right now!” 

Let’s get back to the turn over issue – if you’ve been experiencing alot of it, or if you’ve had more worship leaders than you have children, you may need to stop and consider the things I’ve talked about above.

STOP trying to be like every other church.  STOP trying to sing all the cutting edge music and get BACK to the BASICS of worship – WITHOUT the distraction. Shut the smoke machine down, get rid of the designs projected on the wall, leave off the strobe lights.   STOP allowing your church to be someone’s MTV star stage.  You’re not helping them – they need to be taught that worship is NEVER and SHOULD NEVER be about THEM and should ALWAYS be about pointing people to our Father and that the PRIMARY goal of each and every word that is sung is to GLORIFY GOD.  

I’m interested in hearing from you on your experiences and thoughts on this so please feel free to comment.  And, pass this blog on to your leaders and other pastor friends too.  It may help them when they’re searching for their next worship leader. 

 

Just WHO is our church service all about?

My husband and I had the chance to take a short get away this past weekend and it’s always nice to be able to have time without the interruption of a television going all the time or the general “noise” that you have going on around  you all the time.  It’s usually a great time for us to talk about things that are on our mind and sort of “brainstorm” about things we’ve been thinking about.  There’s also time to just sit in silence and listen to praise and worship music or preaching that’s on the radio.

Have you ever really just sat and LISTENED to the words of the song that you’re hearing on the radio?  It’s amazing that we can sing along to a bunch of songs and never really THINK about the words that are coming out of our mouth.

I had that experience on the way home.  I’ve sung this one particular song several times as a worship leader and I will sheepishly admit that I haven’t taken the words to heart every time I’ve sung it.  The song is “The Heart of Worship.”

The verse says this: “When the music fades and ALL is stripped away and I simply come; longing just to sing something that’s of worth, that will bless your heart; I’ll bring you more than a song for a song in itself is not what you have required; you search much deeper within to the way things appear – you’re looking into my heart”

Then the chorus goes on to say, “I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship and it’s all about you, all about  you Jesus.  I’m sorry Lord for the “thing” I’ve made it when it’s all about, ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS.”

My “journey” as a worship leader started back in the early 1990’s and I can honestly say that for the most part I’ve taken the responsibility of leading worship very seriously and weighed out my choice of music and the time I spent preparing for service as a priority. I’ve always approached any service I’ve led with fear and trembling because I DO NOT want to get up in front of God and His people unprepared musically or spiritually.  I want to make sure that EVERY WORD that comes out of my mouth is carefully chosen, never crass and ALWAYS pointing people our Father.

Let’s look at the words in the song I mentioned above:  “When the music fades and ALL is STRIPPED WAY and I simply come….”  wow – there it is.  We need to come before the Father stripped away  of our own agendas, our own thoughts about worship and seek HIM for what we should do each service.  Coming to Him with a clear mind, focused on Him and stripped away of our ego, our aspirations, etc.    There you are in His presence kneeling before him.

“Longing just to bring something that’s of worth, that will bless your heart” – is that our motive? Do we come before God when we’re leading worship with the idea of bringing god something of worth that will bless HIS heart? Or are we bringing forth something that will tickle peoples ears? Something that will “draw in the crowd”?

It goes on “I’ll bring you more than a song, for song in itself is not what you have required, you search much deeper within, to the way things appear, you’re looking into MY heart…” I see that as me in a dark room with a spot light on me, me on my knees, head bowed and God taking a look at me, what’s in my heart, what my motives are, clutter and all, trying to sift through the things that have taken priority over HIM and for Him to look at my heart condition – and seeing just what type of condition my heart really is in.

“I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship and it’s all about YOU, it’s ALL ABOUT YOU JESUS.”  Are we really making our worship and sermons ALL ABOUT JESUS? Or is it about showing off what we can DO for Jesus or for God? Is it about how loud we can preach? How many people get Holy Ghost goosebumps from our sermon? How great we can sing? What kind of stage presence we have? How awesome a song list we’ve put together timed just right with the lights and our singers humming at the right time behind us?

Do we spend every Sunday looking for some outward manifestation of a move of God that operates what we gauge our “success-o-meter” on?  How many people raised their hands during worship? How many spoke in tongues out loud? How many people clapped during the fast song (because if they didn’t we should probably take it off our list – it’s a dud.) Oh and yes of course, how many compliments did we receive on a ‘great service today”.

I’ve learned a few things – FIRST and foremost there is NOT ONE PART OF THE SERVICE THAT IS EVER OR SHOULD EVER BE ABOUT ME.  If the “ME” factor is a factor, then there’s a BIG problem.  God forgive us of pride and arrogance and showmanship in the church.

Secondly – worship and every single word of every single song had better be about God the Father and Jesus and pointing people to HIM and NEVER to us, our talents, our abilities, how great we preach, how cool our outfit is or how awesome we need to hear we are at leading worship.

In short, it’s called “DYING TO SELF.”  God help me and forgive me if one inch of “self” is ever in the worship I do.  Now yes I am a perfectionist and I want things to sound good, I want things to flow, I like smooth transitions between songs.  I want people to enter into worship but more than any of that I want God to be honored, to be blessed and to be glorified before ANYTHING ELSE.  The rest is “fluff”.

I want to come back to the “heart of worship” and what worship is truly about.  We’ve lost sight of that in so many of our churches these days.  We base the success of our service by the response to the songs we sang that are in the top 20 on the radio that we hear, we base the success of our sermons on how much we can get people going, on how much we can “stir ’em  up”.   Well it’s not our job to “stir ’em up” – we aren’t the Holy Spirit.  I DO believe it’s our job to lead them into worship and to teach them the Word because those two things together produce a hunger in people.  Teaching them to sit at the feet of Jesus during worship and to sit and listen to the Word and letting it speak to their heart and into their life – that’s what the goal should ALWAYS be.

“I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it” – we’ve made it a show; we’ve made it about us; we’ve made it about what WE want to put on in front of people.  WHY? Don’t we understand that before God’s nostrils it  stinks?

I’ve shared this before – I’ve heard so many Pastors say in exasperation how their young worship leaders have used their churches as stepping stones to “hit the big time” and that week after week it’s been “John so and so IN CONCERT” instead of John so and so leading God’s people in worship.  They’re looking for those with a true heart of worship. Those who’ve died so much to themselves that NOTHING is left.

It took time to get there I’ll admit – and I still have times when I may come down hard on myself if the list didn’t flow the way I wanted it to or if I didn’t see the response I was expecting and then I stop myself and say, “What are you thinking? WHO is worship for?” and then I realize that there’s still MORE of my “self” that needs to die.

So when you’re prepping worship or your sermon, when you’re in front of the people that God has entrusted to you, stay in FOCUS on what your real responsibility is.  Don’t let ANY of your “self” creep in and then you will see the hand of God move, you’ll see lives changed and you’ll know that you’ve done your best for God – with or without an outward manifestation because when we bring our best to God, He ALWAYS honors it.

The Things You See In Church….(the strange & funny…)

Ah the joys of growing up in church  being the Pastor’s kid and then staying in church…..

I always said I’d write a book about the stuff I’ve seen in church and the things I’ve heard. It’s really a trip sometimes. 

Growing up I remember two brother in laws having an actual FIST FIGHT during church because they had some type of disagreement – mind you this was DURING  the song service and they were both in the orchestra area.  

Then there’s the time one man was aggravated and he said he was taking one of the support posts (support beam) with him and he was leaving the church.  A SUPPORT POST? I mean REALLY?  He said he paid for it.  lol

And of course in the old days going to church was like Fashion Week on  a weekly basis.  The women trying to outdo themselves.  My mom used to tell me that she’d have a new outfit complete with hat, gloves, shoes and purse almost every week.  Of course this tradition was passed down to me even as a kid – I was dressed to the nines in the nicest dresses and shiny black patent leather shoes.  Even as a teenager I had a new dress frequently. 

I remember growing up and the ladies would have little pillbox hats with whimsy veils on them.  Of course there was usually a flower or pretty pin on them too.  All the little girls had ruffly white ankle socks on and the little boys had suits with long pants or vests with shirts, ties and shorts.  

Let’s see – ok there was the one older lady who got mad at my mom and told her she was putting a curse on her.  Nice huh? lol  

Then there was the man who got up during testimony time and said, “Before I was saved I used to drink a glass of wine and feel drunk.  Now thank God I can drink a whole jug and not feel a thing…”  

Oh let’s not forget the church trustee who had no problems letting a few swear words rip during meetings – my dad used to just shake his head and look down. 

And we had our share of street people that came through church as well.  There was one guy, “Jack the wino” we named him.  Jack used to come in church every so often when he needed money.  His first few times he would tell us, “My mom got hit by a bus, I need money for her funeral.”  The thing is that his mom got hit by a bus like seven or eight times in the matter of a year….. 

Our church used to have a built in time of prayer where everyone would kneel between the pews and pray.  (This is a PENTECOSTAL CHURCH now so keep that in mind.)  Jack staggered in, sat in the last pew and fell asleep.  The prayer part of the service ended and about ten minutes later Jack woke up, realized everyone was sitting normally facing the front so he cleared  his throat, made the sign of the cross and sat down.

My dad was the Pastor so his interactions with Jack were frequent.  One Sunday Jack came in and of course his mom had gotten hit by a bus – AGAIN.  My dad said that in order for him to receive any type of help he needed to come in and stay for the service.  There were about 10 steps that you needed to walk up to into the sanctuary because our church was an older church.  Dad started walking up the stairs with Jack in tow and Jack exclaimed, “WOW these steps are moving!”  My dad looked at him and said, “Yep, they do that sometimes…..”

There was a guy that came into church and he stuck out his hand and in his best inebriated voice announced, ‘Hi! I’m Hezekiah!” 

Another time we attended a special service at another church there was a very well known speaker.  During the worship part of the service a guy got up to give a “word.” The word was this, “And the Lord would say, “HANGETH in there…..”   (I never knew that there was such an old english word as “HANGETH”.  

Ah the things you see and hear in church growing up.  The crazy legalistic stuff like no christmas trees, no makeup/nail polish/jewelry, going to the movies was a sin, bowling was a sin, having any kind of party was a sin, wearing pants if you were a female was a sin, pierced ears were a sin – EVERYTHING seemed to be a sin growing up and I didn’t grow up in a pentecostal holiness church but it was pretty legalistic.  Funny thing was that all that applied to the preachers family but everyone ELSE in the congregation was doing all those things. LOL  

OH and please don’t let me forget how interacting with any other denomination was a sin.  ESPECIALLY if they were catholic.   Now, where I went to elementary there was a catholic church and school across the street.  One day our school received a bomb threat in the middle of the day. They quickly evacuated us to the catholic school’s gym across the street.  Well when I got home and told my mom she pitched a fit.  To this day I wanted to ask her, “Would prefer that I stayed in school and got blown up?!!”  I mean, it’s not like being catholic was contagious – Lord have mercy! 

There’s so many more things that don’t come to mind but I’m sure some day I’ll sit and write more about those.

No wonder God says we’re a “peculiar people….” 🙂  

 

Build Your Church – Make RELATIONSHIP Priority….

There’s tons of books out there on how to grow your church.  Throw in a few thousand dvds and a couple hundred seminars you should be able to grow a mega church in the middle of a cornfield if you do exactly what they – or so they say….

Funny thing is this: You can have TONS of programs, the BEST music, great preaching and of course the coolest coffee bar BUT if your people DO NOT have relationship with GOD FIRST and especially relationship with OTHERS then you have a nice crowd that comes to be entertained. 

When people are looking for a church, first it’s usually because something is missing in their own lives and they’re searching for that.  BUT there’s also those who are looking for a place to “belong.”  A place where they have fellowship with other christians, friends to hang out with, friends to grow with, friends who will be there in the good times and bad.  

I’ve seen a trend especially in the State I live in here among quite a few churches where RELATIONSHIP IS NOT a priority.  It’s about programs first – which thing can we do to bring in the numbers that will work.  OR it’s about the temporary emotional rush that they feel each week for an hour or two during hyper worship and good old fire and brimstone preaching.  After that people walk out and they don’t connect again until they see each other the following Sunday.  Um, I THOUGHT we’re supposed to be FAMILY? We don’t even communicate with each other until we give our churchy smile again each week.  

I’m not going to say this happens in ALL denominations.  There’s a very large church here nearby where I ran my first moms ministry that has got it down to a science – the relationship thing I’m talking about. In part because it was presented to many moms about how vital relationship and supporting each other is.  On the other part because the leadership encourages it in a big way. Couples hang together in the coffee shop, have picnics, go out to eat with each other, do the beach, and even do cruises together and these are couples of VARIOUS ages.  Kids are included too.  AND these women especially are big on being there for each other.  Mention a need and they are jumping into action before you’ve hit “post” on facebook or finished sending out your text.  Toss up on facebook a chance to get together and they’re signing up and eagerly awaiting the time to get together.  

They’re also signing up for bible studies and seminars together and this INCLUDES the guys who have a strong group of relationships going.  Meeting one on one with each other or in small numbers to encourage and be there for each other. 

SO WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH THE REST OF THE CHURCH BODY?! The most vital work is done through relationship.  You want to make a difference, sit across from someone for an hour with a cup of coffee or over lunch or dinner and THAT is where TRUE ministry starts.

What I’ve seen is that “we’re busy.”  Really? TOO busy to stop and get to know someone and make a difference in their life?  TOO busy to sit with a couple who is struggling in their marriage and is crying out for help in many ways? TOO busy to make that widow feel a part of things? Too busy to help a single mom out in her parenting? TOO BUSY to help that young man trying to find His way around this God thing? TOO BUSY TOO BUSY – yeah? well maybe it’s time to get UNBUSY. 

Instead of having programs to build numbers – come in, do your one hour and leave, let’s build programs that ENCOURAGE relationship.  Small groups are great – they help.  BUT how about encouraging some social interaction? If your service is two hours long, maybe once in awhile give your congregation a break and encourage them to fellowship with one another and shoot for 90 minutes instead that Sunday.  

Have a midweek service? Get rid of it and have small groups that run for three weeks and then do something social on the fourth week.   

Where does it start? IT STARTS WITH YOUR LEADERSHIP AND PASTORAL STAFF.  Teach THEM about relationship.  If you have a smaller church, have your leadership or staff take 5-10 families and those are the ones they keep track of by calling them, getting together with them, meeting their needs if it arises, having them over to their house for dinner or taking them out to eat.  Give your congregation members a “touch point” – that’s a person that they can have a relationship with who is going to genuinely take an interest.  

If you have a big church, break your church up into areas and then divide the number of people in them and have “a care team leader” for every 20-25 people.  They would do the same things I mentioned above.  

What else can be done – SET THE EXAMPLE.  Develop relationship with your leadership not just in meetings about church stuff but on a regular basis where you actually sit and ask them in a non church setting, “Hey, what’s goin’ on your life? How ARE things? How’s your family?”  TAKE an interest in them.   

THIS example is going to help your leaders learn how to do that with the people of your church.  Then the people in your church are going to be doing it with the people in the church and also with those who come into the church and also with those in the community around you. 

The emphasis is wrong these days – it is and never should be on NUMBERS or feel good services.  

We’ve been in Florida SIX YEARS and have YET to have a bunch of couples to fellowship with.  Everyone is “too busy.”  Or no one takes the time to make the initiative and yes I’ve tried.  Back in New York we had fellowship with couples weekly.  The guys called each other to see how they were doing, they met for coffee.  The women had dinner out or at each others houses.  The couples got together.  The men could pray with each other, the women did too.  There were shopping dates, movie dates, and just hanging out with each other.  When something went wrong, we were all there for each other.  When there was a crisis and support was needed we stopped what we were doing and we were at the hospital, the courthouse, the funeral – whatever.  We had heart ties to each other and thankfully to THIS DAY it’s still that way even though we’re 1400 miles away. 

Why isn’t it like that all over? How much effort does it REALLY take to speak into someones life and really BUILD relationship with them? 

SO – ask yourself – are we building relationships one life at a time or building a kingdom or mega church? 

The FORGOTTEN Generation…

It’s funny how as you get older you start to see things differently.  You realize that you’ve LIVED life and you’ve EXPERIENCED ALOT.  And with that comes a sense of entitlement.  You don’t need to totally tip toe around people anymore because you’ve earned your stripes.  You’re a gold member of the “Been there, done that” club and you find yourself sitting back listening to things that you remember thinking or watching NOT work when you were younger.  BUT of course because you’re older, your view on things is either listened to or disregarded. Or ignored. Depends on the situation.  So you sit back and watch it play out, chuckle and shake your head all the while thinking to yourself, “this isn’t going to work” or “I tried to tell you.” 

Being the parent of two young adults this has happened a few times but my oldest is now realizing when mom and dad talk, it’s a good idea to listen because we really are SMART lol.  My youngest well, for him it’s selective.  He’s learning…

It’s become this way in churches these days with the “older saints” of the church.  We have a tendency to forget that they have SO MUCH to offer us.  I’m not talking about those from age 60 and up, I’m talking about the 50’s and even the late 40’s.  By the time you’ve reached this age, you’ve pretty much just come out of those, “What on earth was I thinkin’?” stage and you realize that you learned lessons and you want to share those experiences to help something or to help someone avoid something.  Of course that’s not always accepted.

It’s gotten that way too with worship in the church.  We’ve created a “cut off” age for who we want to reach in worship.  if they’re not young, upcoming, with the right “look” then we don’t bother to remember that they’ve got styles of worship and songs that they really enjoy singing during worship too. If they’re not between the ages of 16 and 45 then we feel like they’ve had their time, they need to move over and let the younger ones worship.  Songs from the last three years are the only ones we allow, or we stretch it and go back MAYBE five years.  

WHO put a shelf life on worship? WHY is the word “hymn” practically a swear word in  churches these days?  Let’s take a look at some of the songs that are older than five years old:

“Shout to the Lord” – this song was written in the 90’s.  The words are powerful. They point the person singing straight to God. The primary part of the song is the chorus:

“Shout to the Lord all the earth let us sing, power and majesty praise to the King! Mountains bow down and the seas will roar at the sound of your name. I sing for joy at the works of your hands, forever I’ll love you, forever I’ll stand, nothing compares to the promise I have in you!”   

What about the song “More Love, More Power?”  –  it’s a cry from the bottom of someone’s heart saying they want more of the things of God in their lives.  It starts out asking for more BUT balances itself out with “I will worship you, with all of my heart, I will worship you with all of my mind, I will worship you with all of my strength for you are my Lord….” again pointing the person singing back to the honor and exalting of God. 

Let’s jump to a hymn now:  “Holy, Holy, Holy” –  The first verse of the song is:

“Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty, Early in the morning our song shall rise to thee, Holy Holy Holy merciful and mighty God in three persons blessed trinity”   This songs points the worshipper immediately to the Father, acknowledging God’s holiness right off the bat.  The words haven’t lost their meaning.  God is STILL HOLY, He’s STILL MERCIFUL and He’s STILL MIGHTY. 

Other songs that we’ve stopped singing are “He is Lord” “Alleluia” “Ancient of Days” and so many others that have incredible meaning and they DO go with the songs of today.  

There’s NO reason NOT to use a mix of hymns along with old and new worship choruses in the worship set these days.  I’m actually happy to see a trend among worship leaders according to the CCLI report that are using MORE and MORE hymns.  They are taking them and jazzing them up a bit or they’re leaving them as in and including them in their worship set.  

Another area where some are being left behind is the area of leadership.  If anyone qualifies for leadership it’s your seasoned members.  OR if you really want to make a difference, let them MENTOR the younger upcoming leaders.  Not only will it develop a strong ministry it will give the younger ones someone to be accountable to.  

An even more “forgotten” generation are the ones who are in their 60’s and above . They often feel like, “I have nothing to offer. They won’t listen to me” and they remain silent, smile and nod.  They don’t say much but deep down inside they want so badly to jump in, to help out, to give advice based on what they know and have experienced.  I love so much when I see an older church member taking time to pour into the lives of the younger ones.   The wisdom that comes from their lips is a priceless treasure.  An older couple who’ve been together for years and years can offer such wisdom to the couple that’s struggling in their marriage.  The older grandmother who has raised her children and has grandkids can offer such important tips to a new mom or young mom that is struggling to figure out how to balance it all. An older man in the church can mentor a young husband or young man and help him to be the priest in his home or to be a man of God by speaking into their lives. 

We need to remember that ALL ages should be included in worship, in ministries, in fellowship. Church should NEVER be an age exclusive club with those that are in the forefront because of their age and those that are “old” or “past their prime” and are forced to become spectators.  

Again, these are MY perspective on things I’ve seen in churches the last few years. I bring these things up hoping that if you’re experiencing it, if you do it in YOUR church and haven’t been realizing it, if you’re gearing your worship towards the younger crowd and leaving out the older, if you’ve excluded someone from being in active ministry because of their age that  you’ll stop and re-think your decision.  

God has placed us all in each others lives with experience, with special giftings, with callings – we need to respect and honor that and help each other fulfill God’s call on our lives.  

Most of all  LISTEN to the wisdom of those who have paid their dues, who have “been there, done that” and who have learned from their mistakes and who have gained experience.  They often see things we don’t see because we have tunnel vision or we didn’t bother to think about something in an alternative light.  And most important trust them and learn from them. 

Thanks for reading. 

On With the Show….

This is sure to strike some reaction so I’ll brace myself now but here goes….

WHAT happened to the days when we walked into church and church LOOKED like a church? The sense of reverence and awe of God’s presence was all ready there even before we walked in the door. You know, a cross in the front (not that it’s mandatory), a plain but decent looking altar area.  Now what we see when we walk into churches is a theater style backdrop, lights, props, all kinds of what I’m going to call very frankly “DISTRACTIONS.”  As the music starts, the lights grow dimmer, colored lights start to flash, strobe lights activate and the “concert” begins.

Music begins to build and a spotlight hits the worship leader. Lights swivel back and forth on an all ready  timed out to the second script that’s been handed to the media team.  “Switch to lights at 10:20.11” “Dim lights, activate smoke machine 10:35.21” “Singers exit stage right at 11:01.08”  “Pastor enters through stage left at 11:02;00”

Can I ask this simple one word question – WHY?

“Well, we do it because we want to draw in the younger crowd.” “Other churches are doing it and it looks really cool.” “I want to get away from the stuffy church image” “We don’t want to do church like everyone used to.”  Ok so those are great excuses…..

If a person walks through the door of your church it’s NOT because they’re seeking great music and a concert venue type atmosphere – most of the time they’re seeking out what’s MISSING in their lives.  All the rest of it is nice and sure they may think, “Wow church has changed since I was a kid.”  But what are we presenting on Sundays?

I’ve been a worship leader for 18 years and I’ve seen trends come and go. I grew up in church, a pastor’s kid.   I’ve been through the interpretive dance/flags/banners trend, the Jewish music trend, the Toronto blessing trend, you name it, I’ve pretty much seen it all in churches. It roars in and fizzles out. None of it lasting. Once they’ve tired of it, they move on to the next wind blowing.

Kind of sad actually.  The Bible is very specific on worship and to WHOM worship should geared and to the reason WHY we worship. NOT ONCE in the Bible do you see lights, smoke machines, special effects, and pumping up of the crowds. EVER. Again – let me repeat EVER.

The Holy Spirit was there in the midst of God’s people because they were HUNGRY for HIS presence.  They sat on dusyt roads, on hillsides, through good and bad weather, through scorching heat because they wanted to be in the presence of the Messiah. They wanted to hear the word of God.  You don’t see Peter getting up there prepping the crowd. You don’t see the disciples standing there with all kinds of things to enhance the Gospel.  It was SIMPLE WITHOUT DISTRACTION.

We’ve adapted the mindset that we have to have all these things to “appeal” to the world today. Again I’ll ask, “WHY?”   We’ve got it stuck in our heads that if we sing songs older than the last 2-3 years that people won’t like it and we’ll be labeled “old fashion.”  So in the mean time let me just say you’ve now totally NEGATED AN ENTIRE GENERATION of faithful church goers who are subjected to music that is ok but that they’re also not familiar with. “So tell them to turn on the christian radio station and listen to it.” I’ve heard a couple people say. Do YOU listen to music that doesn’t appeal to you when you’re in your car or at home? NO. You’re going to listen to something that you like.  Something that means something to you. SO WHY can’t this be done in churches these days?

FIRST – look at the demographics of your current congregation.  Are they made up of mostly of those under the age of 40? What is their cultural/race background? Are they over the age of 40? Are they over the age of 50? Is so then THAT is what you gear at least HALF of your worship set to.

Worship leaders & Pastors – don’t be afraid to look at the words of the songs you’re singing and ask yourself “WHO is this pointing us to?”  “Are we misleading people?” “Are we singing empty songs?” I look at the words of the songs I sing before I introduce them to a congregation. I make sure that it’s pointing them to God or into a direction of holiness or Godliness.  I don’t sing “selfish, whiny songs.”  I don’t because worship should ALWAYS be about God and NOT about me and my short comings and any of my past mistakes,  God’s love is unconditional and my sins have been forgiven and so has my past.  If I have to sings songs that make the congregation think that they have to strive to get God’s love and that God’s love is a reward then I’ve missed it.  God’s love is AN UNCONDITIONAL GIFT given because HE LOVES ME AND SENT HIS SON TO DIE FOR ME.  It has NOTHING to do with being works driven like some of the newer songs of today are saying.

Let’s talk about the DISTRACTIONS now – is it REALLY necessary to have it all? If you’re shallow enough to think that blinking, flowing lights invokes God’s presence then it’s time to re-evaluate.  If you think billowing figures flowing on the platform like those you see outside a car dealership (yes I’ve visited a church in my hometown that used those almost every service along with shredded pieces of material that looked like flames) is going to make the Holy Spirit say, “Hey, that’s pretty cool.  I’ll go hang out with them this morning” then you don’t know your Bible very well.

God seeks after those who seek HIS presence. Those who are HUNGRY for HIM.  He can meet you in a church or he’ll meet with you in bathroom, a hotel room or your car.  God could care less about all the other stuff – He cares about YOU.

When we enter into worship it should ALWAYS be focused on HIM.  We should steer away from songs that are self centered which so many of the newer worship songs are now these days. Many are gearing themselves towards “audience participation.” REALLY?  We need to do that?

We’re gearing our sermons to NOT offend people.  We skim over topics, avoid talking about the blood of Jesus, about sin that’s active in homes these days and in peoples lives, about ways to disciple people and stir them to want a deeper walk with God.  We’re leaving that up to the “life groups” “Cell groups” “Home Groups” “Bible Studies” or mid -week services.  OR we just leave that out all together because WE WANT OUR NUMBERS.  After all, how great does it make “me” look to my fellow pastors if my church is big?  (Excuse me but I would rather be in a church full of HEALTHY believers than a bunch of people who only come for the show and don’t WANT to change their lives.  Yes the church is a hospital – so that means we spur them TOWARDS health.)

We’re appealing to flesh. We’re appealing to worldly desires.  “Stimulate me” “Entertain me” “Give me the flavored coffees” “Talk about what I WANT to hear but don’t get too intense”.  That’s what our sermon focus has become. AND unfortunately some gauge the success of their services on how much emotion was shown that day.  REALLY? WHO ARE YOU to judge by outward appearance what the Holy Spirit is doing INSIDE of someone just because they don’t “fall out” “break down in a pile of tears” or wail at the altar?  While these are all honest and true things that happen in church and I DO believe that it’s ok to have this in the service, I don’t believe we should ever gauge worship or message response to what the people do out in the congregation.  I grew up pentecostal.  I’ve been a card carrying member of Assemblies of God churches too and I attend a Church of God so I’m NOT anti reaction by any stretch of the imagination.

I guess what I’m saying is or actually PLEADING with you is this – DON’T fall into the trap of distractions.  DON’T jump on the band wagon.  Take a true, deep heart searching/soul searching look at your services.  What’s your motivation? What’s your focus?

Thank you for reading this blog.  It’s not meant to offend you but it IS meant to provoke some thought and maybe even some change if you feel it’s necessary.

Let’s go back to the basics……